Saturday, Oct 10 2009
View CECILY55's food & exercise for this day
I think I'm going to do some rearranging on my medical team. First, I think I need to find a new urologist--I've thought long and hard about this and I just don't think he's the guy for me. I don't think I'm going to detail the reasons to my other docs, but I am going to ask for referrals and talk to a few before I make a final choice. Second, the Pain Guy: I don't know. The first visit was a fiasco, but I'm willing to give it another shot. However, I am going to be a little more prepared when I go in to see him next time. PKD-related pain seems to be a pretty unique issue with complex innervation pathways involved; there are several good peer-reviewed papers that have been published on just this condition and there are a number of NIH-sponsored projects studying the problem. Right now my pain is tolerable without drugs, but that won't last; there needs to be a plan to address both chronic and acute pain now as it becomes a problem. Third: OB-GYN. I adore my primary GYN; I think she is the greatest--in person. But I don't seem to be able to get any information outside of an office visit, which would be OK but it takes a month or more to get in to see her. This seems ridiculous when all I need is clarification on medication usage--the last call took 3 weeks for a call-back. The GYN-ONC: he's a different guy from the one I saw first and he's supposed to be great. In retrospect, I don't think my problem before was with the doc as much as with her nurse/assistant/whoever-she-was and with the pathologist. We'll see. Definite keepers: internist, nephrologist(s), ortho/sports doc, radiologist (he does all the guided procedures), pathologist. It's scary when you consider a specific radiologist and pathologist part of your team!
Early satiety is beginning to be a problem again. It may be a little different this time because I have a lot of acid-type discomfort, but I don't remember a lot from when this whole business started last time. Today I managed a whole 952 calories, only because I had a drink this afternoon; otherwise it would have been less than 700 calories. I'll try to eat some yogurt or some cheese before I go to bed. This is OK for awhile, but it can't go on for too long or I'm going to have some real problems here. I wish I could find a nutritionist or dietitian to talk to about this, but I tried that once before and couldn't find anyone.
Another problem: my skin is soooo itchy. I try not to scratch, but if I'm not careful I just tear myself to shreds. If I take enough valium, I can keep it under control but there's a real downside to that. This has been going on since last January and I am really getting tired of it.
I have decided I am going to try to "remake" myself. As I look at my behavior, the way I talk and act, it's eccentric to say the least. A lot of my smart-ass remarks are defensive, but all they are doing is annoying everyone around me and so hurting me professionally. I've been this way for a long time--years and years--so it's going to be hard to change. But I'm going to really work at this. This is Boise, the most conservative, back-asswards community imagineable--there is no place for eccentrics in this burg unless they are already rich.
Also I want to find a new job. I'm not sure exactly what I want, but it certainly isn't what I'm doing now. But before I change, I need to clean up my job performance at IPUC. I have been in some kind of personal snit and/or depression cycle for almost 2 years and it's time to get over it. In other words, "What the hell am I doing?!?!" I am starting to get my act together as far as job tasks are concerned; I should be pretty much caught up by the end of the week. Once I am really caught up, I'm not going to let myself get pulled down into this dark hole--it's too hard to climb out.
Clothing and appearance need work. I also need to knock about 40 pounds off--that may be the one good thing about ES, the easiest diet ever. Because if I can't eat, I will lose!
Tomorrow I am going to get ready to work on the Fremont audit. I am going to organize all those papers and CRAP in my office. I am also going to get the FLEX stuff ready to fax--maybe Larry can take care of that tomorrow. And I am going to organize my clothes. After the last bout of dietary problems and not exercising, my abdomen is really big; I need to check out my business suits to see what fits. And I need to do laundry big time since my new "warm-up" slacks are so tight they irritate the skin on my belly. This whole thing really SUCKS!!!!