Thursday, May 20 2004
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Wow - off to Memphis tomorrow - I'm excited. I have heard from A and M that neither will be able to be there, which is disapointing, but I am looking forward to seeing MS. I went shopping this week and got some great outfits - only bottoms, though, since there's no point in getting new shirts with the breast reduction surgery coming. I posted at CK about the size 6's, which is just SO MUCH FUN, but I even had a fluke 4 in there - a skirt. I'm sure it is a fluke, but a fun one, nonetheless.
I had my regular board of directors meeting last night, and that was a great meeting. That's one group that I feel like a very valuable contributor to - I am truly a guiding member of that group and can get excited about being a part of it. I wish the organization were more in my field of interest, but for this type of work, I'll take what I can get. I hope that the experience eventually translates into something more up my alley - but in the meantime, I believe I can be patient and maximize this opportunity.
On the flip side, I had a work meeting today that left me frustrated rather than energized, as well as another incident with a staff at the house. Do you know - I don't feel as if I can write about work frustrations since techically at this point in time I'm not doing much to address/fix the situation. I have been a big proponant of "if you dont like it, fix it - cook or get outa the kitchen." I don't think that that is a productive stance to take - if I spent 24 hours a day writing about how much I don't like work I would still have the right to write about not liking work - the rest of my life would suffer dramatically, but I would still have the right to do that, so I need to stop stiffling recording my work issues. I will be addressing this life issue more in June/July when I attend the career class, but I may HAVE to hold this job for some time, so I really can't stifle journaling about it. There - have I justified this enough? Harrumpphh.
A and M not coming to MS's wedding has made me think about my friendships and lack of of again. I don't feel the feeling of sheer (sp?) despair when I think about it now, the way I did even just a few months ago, but it still bothers me and it certainly doesn't make me feel GOOD. I'm not sure how to approach this issue. Should I a) reconcile myself to life without tons of girlfriends? I'd rather not, but I can't pull the friendships out of the air; b) go seeking new friendships? or c) realize that not having close girlfriends is something I morn and just move on with life? I think those are my only options. And techically, my friendship with A is re-established, but it doesn't feel that way yet. And she is long distance as is M, as is MS, and my sis for that matter. I think the bottom line is that not having close girlfiends makes me feel ashamed and all that goes with that feeling. So I need to find a way to face the situation without feeling badly about myself. Perhaps just saying to myself - I do miss having close girlfriends but that not having them can't be a reason to hurt myself. Perhaps saying this to myself when the feelings come up will help.