Wednesday, Jun 16 2004
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
I am so restless. I can barely sit still. I cannot imagine being at work all day today. But I can't justify taking the day off. There is just nothing to do. What should I do? Get a book and eat out? That's an option. I may have to because sitting here is not working.
I ended up leaving work around 2 - I was in tons of pain. The doctor's appointment went well, but he pulled off the tape covering the incisions and while it didn't hurt, it freaked me out I think. I felt neasous and queazy and came home. I slept but still felt badly when I woke up. I made myself get up and go to the drug store to fill the pain pill prescription and I feel better now, but am...what...so jittery. That's not quite the word. I'm anxious without the energy you usually associate with anxiety. And I just want to eat and eat and eat. What is going on? I keep vasilating wildly between feeling so great about this break from exercising and limiting calories and feeling as if perhaps thats why I feel at such loose ends. I don't know what to do.
I'm also feeling irresponsible, which is a feeling I can't stand. I think I feel irresponsible because I left work early. But I felt pretty badly - why can't I just let myself rest? I'm foot tapping, knee jerking anxious. What is going on?
Work is frustrating. It is simply not good for me to feel defensive 90% of the time. And its a unproductive sense of defensive, because I'm "attacked" over issues that are just ludicrous. For example - I got a hand-rapping call from my supervisor yesterday because the shift supervisor who works for me drove herself to a training. She isn't covered under work insurance because of a bad driving record. Well, I assumed since I WAS TOLD THIS EXACT THING that if a person had a training, that location is considered their place of work for the day and thus covered under their personal insurance. No, according to my supervisor and her supervisor, if they drive anywhere that is farther than to their usualy place of work they go onto the company isnurance which is "illegal" per company policy if they aren't an approved driver. I got angry and sent out an email to my colleagues informing them of the change of policy and naturally, none of them knew about it either. So frustrating. But I find myself shying about from thinking about the Novartis position as an escape route since I haven't heard anything about it yet. Again, I don't know what to do.