LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog

Thursday, Jun 17 2004

View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day

Something is very wrong. I don't know what to do. I'm so edgy and I just want to cry. I'm alone, I could cry, but the tears just won't come. I'm so angry and frustrated. I think its about work, but I don't know. I hurt physically, and I'm sad and frustrated and I feel so defensive. I don't know what to do. I don't have the energy to self talk through this. I thought I had an internal handle on my work frustrations - akin to just live through them without making a huge deal out of anything in order to keep my reputation relatively good here - but I just can't seem to. I can't help getting angry and then showing my anger. Its so unproductive but I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Later...

I stuck out the day (sort of - I left a tad early) and found a number of things that need to be addressed at work. Things I need to take care of - my house is still run 100% better than the vast majority of homes out there, but I find myself tempted to just throw up my hands thinking that I'll be gone soon if I'm lucky, but that attitude will just come back and bite me if I don't leave the company. My frustration is work related, I think - that and the psychological component of not working out and being sore.

My moods vary over the course of the day - I usually feel good in the mornings, not very good between 11 and 2-is, and then slowly better and better until bed time. Strange, huh?

I found a very tender reading, maybe for the wedding:

Leonard Cohen
Dance Me to the End of Love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin.
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in.
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove.
Dance me to the end of love.

Let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone.
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon.
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of.
Dance me to the end of love.

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on.
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long.
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above.
Dance me to the end of love.

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born.
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn.
Raise a tent of shelter now though every thread is torn.
Dance me to the end of love.

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