Tuesday, Jul 13 2004
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
This is a week of upheaval for me - leaving one job and preparing for another. I couldn't sleep last night, in part because I was thinking about this big change. Many things will change - my schedule, my income, my flexibility. It is a change I want very much, especially now that I have it (!), but still a major change.
I've gotten lots of great feedback from coworkers as well as my superivsors - including the company president. It is very satisfying to feel as if I have done a great job here, which I have. I will, however, feel naked knowing someone is coming in after me and will be able to see very clearly what kind of job I've done. I know I"m leaving things in tip top shape, but it is still nerve-wracking to be on such display.
S is going through his sweet, mind-reading phase, which happens in rotation with his more "man"ly phase which is just the opposite. I love this phase. It seems like he reads my mind about things I'm concerned about. Do you remember me writing about my frustration with my own hesitance to turn on the A/C in MY OWN HOME? Well, I was feeling that way yesterday and he said, out of the blue, "Wanna turn on the air?" And we talked about finances, and did it well. We talked more about the wedding. And we've done lots of decorating in the house which has been fun. So, things are good right now.
I did my first day of working out in the the evening last night and it went well. I know that when I start the new job, I'll working out even later (probably won't get home til 6, then workout til 7, then dinner), but I think that it will be the best way to get working out in. Being at work at 8 instead of 9 would make working out in the morning too early.
I weighed in on Saturday and was up a pound. I haven't been eating super well. I'm at a strange point - my goal is 1500 cals and I thought that would feel like a lot after months and months of 1300, but it doesn't. And I"m not sure if that is my maintenance target or not. I'll know better, I think, in the next few weeks. I'm back to working out regularly, so I need to let that take its effect. We'll see.
Tonight is my first evening off of the dealership, and it has been good, if a bit strange. Iím enjoying having the house to myself and just putzing around. I ran a few errands - I dropped off my film which should be fun to get back (hopefully). It will include my first post-surgery pictures.
Wedding, work, schedule, and life thoughts keep swirling around in my head. I know Iíve mentioned this before, but these types of non-stop thoughts that feel like a treadmill are what drinking and smoking helped so much. It would stop the merry go round. Right now I wish I could have an evening of wine and cigarettes. Just me, wine, cigarette, a good book. The desire isnít as immediate as it has been, but it is still here. I wish it werenít.
I finally got a message from K saying that her life got out of control and she probably wouldnít be able to get together until after the wedding. I said that wasnít a problem. I think any interaction at this point is fraught with landmines for me, so Iím not going to delve into it much. I think it will be strange to be at her wedding with Steve. Weíll be out of place. But we need to go. I have a dress that I think I will wear to it. Weíll see.
I do wish the treadmill would stop. Iím out of books, which is a bad place to be. I think Iíll take a shower and then look forward to ice cream.