Monday, Oct 25 2004
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
I miss S today – its wonderful and sad at the same time to miss my husband just going to work. He starts his realty classes today. I’ve very excited for him, but also very sad for the puppy who won’t have his dad around during the day, at least for this week and part of next. I feel much more comfortable with Ripple now – this weekend seemed to make a difference. I got Fatty shaved and how he’s a new cat – he seems to be back to his old self and spent hours on S’s chest last night just purring and snuggling.
S is amazing – just when I am feeling badly about something, or he does something to make me feel wonderful – its as if he can read my mind.
I slept lots this weekend – worked out on Saturday and got my hair cut (3 inches!) and colored. I’m trying to workout 4 times this week (up from 3) but am not sure how that will work with the puppy and S’s classes. We’ll see. I’ll try to make it work.
I am having a rough time at work this morning – that’s not quite accurate. I am feeling that frustration that comes from feeling that I do not have the resources that I need. I’m also frustrated with co-workers, but I have to be very careful about that. The woman next to me who is the long-est term employee in our department has personal and political beliefs that are very different from mine, and she is so loud about them that I can’t ignore them. It makes me irritated with her when I shouldn’t be. I need to remember that frustration about what I perceive other people to be doing or thinking is mind reading, of which I am not capable, so I can’t rely on it as a rational way to approach the world. I’m working on that in my Feeling Good workbook. I find that the vast majority of my disordered or irrational thinking is “mind reading.” I assume I know what people are thinking and that gets upset/sad/anxiety, etc.
I was thinking about some of my college friends again this weekend on and off and feeling badly about that situation. Again, some of it is mind reading, but some of it is just feeling that I do not measure up to some external observer who is, apparently, judging my life. I think many women live with this sense of the outside observer watching us all the time. “Appetites” talked about that and I found it very accurate. Anyway, I thought about trying to get M and M and I together sometime this winter. I sent them an email today to see if its feasible. I think that would be tons of fun. At the very least, it would make me feel loved by friends.
My back is hurting badly today – the bed is just not comfortable. I need to ask S to flip it – I woke up around 1am, took the dog out, and was nearly immobile it hurt so badly. I also pulled something in my groin area doing the FIRM video on Saturday. I think that has healed itself – I’m not sure today – but I used to being so healthy and pain-free that the groin and bad were really unpleasant.
I’ve been tracking my food intake more accurately since Friday, and I feel much better. I’m going to weigh myself on Saturday, so I have this week to undo any damage done by Chicago and the surrounding days.