Tuesday, Dec 21 2004
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
S is in La Crosse tonight trying to straighten out the unpleasant situation with his renter. I need to find a way to be more helpful with that issue. Its just that there isn't much I can do besides be a constructive listener. You know - sometimes I think our roles are reversed when it comes to listening styles - I try to offer constructive feedback (which is what men usually do - and usually isn't what women want - we usually want someone to listen and just sympathize) and he is better at sympathizing when I might want some analysis. Anyway.
So, I have the house to myself and the evening to do as I wish. I don't know what I wish! I'm enjoying just being on the computer. I'm trying to figure out how many calories I consumed at the company lunch today - I think 700 is a safe guess. 800 to be safe. So, with what's left I need to have a dinner of sorts. Which I'm hoping just comes to me without much work. Or thought. Right.
I feel and see myself taking on a much more defined leadership role in my department at work, which I like. How much anyone else likes it is unknown, but it needs to be done. We'll see where it goes. My mind races. I think about what I might want to do when and if I get pregnant - what will I want to do? What will be the best way to approach work about whatever it is that I want to do?
I am so thrilled about going off the pill. Just 4 more! S and I made love last night and it was phenomenal. I actually started laughing uncontrollably and had to tell him to stop because it was so wonderful. I don't usually laugh, so this was unique.
I am happy.
I've gotten some great Christmas cards and pictures, including many from CK folk which are just great. I even got a letter and picture from a woman I knew in Cameroun - we were children there together and while we had our teenage bumps I've always wondered what she is doing. And I found out! Three children - the oldest is 10. I was flummoxed. Who are these people who are having children when they are still children? My first, gut reaction was envy, but then I came to my senses. I swear I spend half my time taming an inaccurate, over zealous, irrational, green monster, whose impulses never stand up to scrutiny. Or if they do stand up to scrunity, its not much fun. Its very strange. My point...what was it? Oh - I don't think I would give up my time alone between my divorce and Steve moving in. I needed that space. For both all the right and wrong reasons. If it had been filled with children...well, it would have been fine, but I wouldn't have grown the same way. A different way, of course, but I think I'm glad for what I learned. As horrendous as it was at times. It was pretty bad at points.
I discovered (or was lead to) Yahoo IM-ing. How fun! I'm a total convert. Especially with such fun people to IM with!
Iím so excited to see my family. They are so wonderful.