Wednesday, Dec 29 2004
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Wow. Anxiety this morning. Why? Letís seeÖthereís an auditor in who is talking to the coworker that Iím not fond of and it bothers me. Why? Because sheís talking to her? Because the system is messed up? Because CW (coworker) doesnít acknowledge that anyone else does anything in the department? Do I feel threatened? Yes. Okay, then. Why? I should be in charge? I donít really want to be. Part of my responsibilities are quality process documentation, so yes, it does feel like Iím being left out, but I imagine if it were really critical GK would involve me. Maybe. And if not, so what? I want to do a good job, but I can only be responsible for what is presented to me to do. This wasnít presented to me to do. Iím protective of my turf, which is understandable, but I donít think its truly warranted.
Thereís more, I think. Steveís job. Or lack there of. The anxiety isnít that he isnít actively employed, its that things have been in limbo for so long. He is waiting for a call back from the realtor he wants to join. And so I donít know what his/our schedules will be, so I donít know when to plan working out at the gymÖIf he isnít around, Iíll need to let the dog out before working out and good lord, its already hard to make it from lunch to after workout dinner without adding another Ĺ hour in there. I just donít see how people do 1200 calories a day. Well, I do, because Iím doing it, but it is hard. Okay, letís think this through. What is the worst that could happen Ė I have to go home after work to let the dog out. I can either a) go right back to the gym, or b)eat dinner and go to the gym around 8. Either would be fine. Itís the not knowing, I guess.
I need to go to a meeting, more later.
Something Stace wrote me that keeps repeating itself - "...you know yourself pretty well, and that's really all we need to be confident." Self knowledge. Well, if over-thinking will it done, I'm there!