Wednesday, Jan 26 2005
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Phew Ė time to breath today.
In the past 5 days or so, I have had to release my shoulders from being hunched up around my ears. I think it started because of the cold, but then became stress related. They ache from being hunched up to the point where it feels uncomfortable to un-hunch them. I would love long, deep massage.
Iím not going to work out tonight. Iím tired and I feel so rushed in the evenings during the week that I want to take a night off. I will have worked out 5 times by the end of the week, so Iím not worried about slacking. At all. I just want to go home, and not rush.
S starts his final training on Saturday, and the, hopefully, heíll be up and running.
Last night I twice said to him, ďBaby?Ē ďYes?Ē ďMmm. Never mind.Ē The second time he asked me to please tell what I was thinking because he could tell I was thinking about something. I wasnít being coy, actually, so I was surprised when he said that. I thought and then said, ďI was going to say that I worry that we donít talk very much sometimes. And then I thought how girl-y a thing to say that is. And then I thought, Who cares? I AM a girl.Ē He laughed and then considered my statement. He said he didnít think we needed to worry, that we do have different interests but as we grow older together weíll have more and more in common. I assumed he meant kids, etc. And, dear readers, you know Iíve thought about this before. We do have different interests and I tend to be happy that I have him to love and others to talk to when I need to vent about politics or womenís issues, etc. Sometimes, though, I wish we could have a full out philosophical debate about something near and dear to me. One think I loved about AJ was that we could go out and talk for hours. Hours.
AJ is one of my onion layers (Jayís phrase). Cognitive behavior therapy didnít work on my feelings/thinking about AJ. Is it enough to just say that my heart still hurts from him and that time? It does. Maybe it will for ever. I donít know. Its not an immediate sort of pain, itís a bit abstract, but there none the less. Perhaps 1:30pm at work, in a cube farm, isnít the best place to open up the onion. I donít think Iím consciously avoiding anything on this subject. Maybe I just need to the give the pain some air time.
Rev says people tell her journaling isn't a verb. I say it is. If its not, it should be. And I like the right word for things, so I say it is.
It was so nice to just come straight home after work tonight instead of going to the gym or to a board meeting. I have felt relaxed this evening. Except for these dang shoulders. I made tuna noodle casserole for dinner. Very low cal, actually and pretty good. S and I need to bring another recipe or 8 into our repetroire. We're getting a bit stale.
I feel slim today. My hands on my hips feel slim.
I spoke very briefly with Steph. I miss her. I'm so glad she's my sister. Her internship at the UN is going really well - UNIFEM. I'm so proud of her. If there ever was a woman who belonged in the UN, its my sister.
Today at work, the coworker that I have...ahem...issues with came to me and said, "Lynn, since you are the leader of our department and a girl, will you please tell me when I'm acting inappropriately? I don't mean to hurt people's feelings, but I do sometimes." I laughed, refrained from saying "I'm a woman, not a girl" and said that we could all use a bit of professionalism upping, but I was actually a bit unnerved by it. How in the world do I tell her when she's being inappropriate? I have all I can do to not choke her for her politically/social beliefs alone. I know I am being unfair. I am glad she is making an effort to make our working lives a bit more bearable (Alicia - I CANNOT figure out how to spell that word. Ever.) It could be so much worse.
GJ: I am grateful for my sister, Stephanie. I love and admire her very, very much.