Tuesday, Apr 26 2005
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
I worked out yesterday! I'm so vastly impressed with myself.
S and I went after dinner. It was nice. I actually felt pretty horrible afterwards, but that's what I get for a) not doing it in a while and b) being pregnant and have no internal temperature control right now. I always have to ask if its hot or if its me. 9/10 its me.
We (S and I) have been very attached to each other lately - more so than usual. He kept saying how much he missed me when he spent the night at his friend's this weekend - how much more fun it would have been had I been there. And the days just seem so long until I see him at night. I don't know - kind of schmaltzy but sweet to enjoy my husband enough to miss him during an 8-9 hour day.
I had an enlightening exchange of thoughts yesterday with Jay about religious/social issues and it really made think. I'm wondering if I shouldn't stop journaling about my religious and political issues for two reasons - one, I don't want to hurt anyone reading it and two, would it better for my peace of mind to just ignore religion and politics for now? Just like my internal angst-ing over A, K, and A, the constant thinking is not getting me anywhere. I don't think I can stop thinking, but I can stop writing. I just don't know what is best.
S and I talked about money last night a bit, and that was helpful to me. He doesn't think we need to take out a home equity loan after all, which would be nice. He feels very confident that by the time the baby is here he will be making enough money for me to go part time if that's what I want to do. It was nice to hear that and to hear it without thinking I'd hurt his feelings by voicing my worries to him.
I have a new supervisor starting next week - well, she will be my supervisor's supervisor. She is supposed to be the magic bullet answer to all of our team's problems. Which she won't be, but I'll keep any open mind. I just need to let things go here at work - do I wish I had more power and prestige - yes, but not at the expense of my mental health or the baby so I don't think it will be happening any time soon. I think I need to just do my job, float along, and let the rest of the department be hysterical. I'm just too pre-occupied to anything but worry about it which is extremely unhelpful. So why worry? I do not need to be superwoman. I someitmes feel guilty that I am not more ambitious career-wise - I occaisionally feel that I should be more gung-ho about work and promotions, etc. And its totally internal, this pressure - for the most part I think that women have achieved a great level of choice about work so I don't think its coming from outside me.
I do need to get some things done or started. My goal is going to do the thing in front of me and not worry about its 8th level ramifications or how there needs to be a procedure in place to address the problem. The thing at hand. The thing at hand.