LYNNABEL's Apr 2005 CalorieKing Blog

Friday, April 22nd 2005

I can take five minutes to journal before driving to work. I've been wanting to journal since yesterday, but work got busy and I just turn into a turnip when I get home so I didn't.

I could feel the waves of emotion yesterday after my lunch meeting with my CWFH. And oddly enough, I don't think she had anything to do with the way I felt. We were able to talk a bit honestly and it seems, if she is being truthful, that I misread her intentions completely. Like drastically. Part of the blame fo...

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Monday, April 18th 2005

Just a quick update since I need to get some things done before bed.

Steve and I heard the baby's heart beat today - it was so incredible. I could've listened for hours. In fact, I considered stealing the device the doctor used. :) Little walnut moved around. He/she was very low - lower than I pictured. So, the possible "showing" is really fat after all. Oh well. My friend Missy calls it the fat stage - when you don't look pregnant, you just look like you've lost your waist. I flip...

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Sunday, April 17th 2005

S is away for the afternoon and evening again! Do you think he read my journal? I just woke up from an extremely deep-sleep nap. The type that takes nearly as long to recover from as the nap itself took. I had very real, real-time dreams - I was dreaming about taking a nap and S's drive to his friend's house. About the neighbor using the chain saw in the backyeard. It was very strange. Very sexual too. When I am hot, I am hot since getting pregnant, and when I am not, I am NOT. I could have stay...

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Saturday, April 16th 2005

I don't think that even after three years of counting calories I can estimate the damage done yesterday. It was the first time I can remember that I ate because of how I was feeling. I was so frustrated with my CWFH that I ate far, far more than I was hungry for. And I can feel that today.

Its so fascinating and frustrating that we/I punish ourselves for what someone has done. For the way somoene else has caused us to feel. I kept thinking, "I bet that Four Agreements book has some ins...

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Friday, April 15th 2005

What an incredibly unpleasant day.

1. My co-worker from hell (CWFH) is in rare form.

2. I saw a mouse this morning while pouring my coffee. Effective cats I have, huh?

3. I am FAT. And not pretty, pregnant fat, but FAT. And I'm doing nothing about that. Obviously I can't and don't want to lose weight while pregnant, but I could exercise. Novel idea, huh? I never resolve things and I resolve that I will start working out on Monday again. My clothes don't fit. It never ceases to...

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