Monday, May 30 2005
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Its 3am and I just lost pages of a journal entry.
10 minute journal update. Can't believe I lost everything I wrote this morning. It made me think though - was/is anything I write so valuable that losing it is a huge universal loss? No. Doesn't mean it isn't important, to me, but the sky didn't fall and I doubt future generations will be poorer for the loss of that one entry. Additionally, it was a reflection on Saturday's panic attacks and thoughts and we could all probably live without rehashing that.
I did have some thoughts about things I might be able to work into my schedule to help with anxiety. I am at very strange place right now - I've never experienced inertia like this so I don't have the skills/tools to fight it. Also, I don't know if I want to since its pregnancy related. I'm of two minds about it and my body. I know more exercising would reduce my anxiety so I need to get some more in. The trick is to realistically look at how I can do that. I have some thoughts on it. We'll see.
A very nice thing is that all my anxiety is not about the baby. Some things baby-related, but not the baby. I think I must truly understand that it is out of my control so there is no point worrying about the baby. I'm glad about this because that kind of worry could be immobilizing. I am feeling walnut move. Such a good, active baby. I seem to feel it most when lying on my back.
There is music coming from the Memorial Day festival on Harriet Island that I can hear through our open windows and its fun, 50's songs and it makes me think of times in my life when I would have been there with friends, probably drinking, and definitely having fun. Different days. There's time for that down the road.
More this week.