LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog

Friday, Aug 26 2005

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I love my husband. I love him so very much.

We went to a concert at the MN Zoo last night and it was great - The Dirty Dozen Brass Band and CJ Chenier. The Zoo's amphitheatre (sp?) is outside, by a little lake, and it was beautiful. Great music, too. This was my birthday present to Steve. Walnut seemed to like the music, but judging by how much he moves, Walnut likes EVERYTHING. Someone at work told me they watched my shirt buttons move all throughout a meeting from baby moving and kicking and rolling.

After a long talk, S and I decided that it would be best for our little family if I accept the promotion at work. It was a hard discussion (we felt very far apart from each other during the first part) - for me, because I am afraid of being jealous of him staying with the baby and him because of financial concerns. Once I was able to share my concerns with him about being envious of him staying with the baby, we were able to talk them through a bit and while we didn't and probably can't come up with a game plan to make sure it doesn't happen until we know how it is, it was wonderful to have my feelings acknowledged, validated, and reassured. I was also very happy that he shared his financial concerns with me. I didn't expect this to happen, obviously, it wasn't what I had planned, but I suspect being a part of a family requires adjusting very quickly to what is necessary.

This decision assumes that the raise is big enough. I'll find out more about that today.

The pros are:

1. Financial stability - I will be making more money and it will be consistent. S will be able to pursue his real estate work during the evenings and weekends. If we want to move, and we will eventually, having at least one of us with a consistent income will help with a mortgage - commission-based work like real estate is usually unattractive to lenders unless there is at least a 2 year history of income to review.

2. Its an incredible career opportunity for me. Much growth, both professionally, personally, and financially. If I can get enough time/experience at this new position under my belt, I'll be very attractive in the job market should I choose to look elsewhere.

3. S will be able to stay home with the baby during the day (ie no non-family child care) - I can't think of anyone I'd rather have loving my baby all day long. After a few months if he is restless or work picks up for him we can see if there are some baby sitting options for us a few days a week.

4. I will take the full 3 months off work instead of the 2 months I had planned if I was going to go back part time. This will give me a good stretch of time with the baby - not enough, but a good deal. Oh to live in enlightened countries where mothers and father gets months and months off work.

5. I will be doing what is best, right now, for our little family - I'm happy to make the sacrifice because I love my husband and baby so very much.

6. I have some women friends and colleagues I can tap as resources for making full time work outside the house work for a mother. Not the least of whom is my manager.

7. If its truly unbearable, I will quit and we will find a way to cope.

The cons are:

1. I will be away from my baby for at least 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. Probably longer considering the commute.

2. The potential for envy and feeling like I'm not the expert on my baby exists. Both S and I will need to work to make sure this is minimized. He said that he will come visit me at lunch with the baby if I want, that he will do everything he can so that when I am home, I can spend the time with the baby. He (like my sister) said that no matter what, I'll always be the baby's mama and nothing will take my place.

3. I might be exhausted all the time. I may have to work extra hard to get back into shape and be healthy.

4. I suppose I could end up disliking the new position. I most definitely have some concerns, but feel fairly confident that together wtih my manager, we can address them.

5. I will need to work very hard to leave work at work and not work overtime. This will be a big challenge for me.

I going to go get ready for work. I woke up early this morning with lots of thoughts on my mind. Ripple and I went for our walk, but only got once around the block before the rain started.

Doctor's appt today.

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