Sunday, Oct 16 2005
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Can't sleep. 3:52am. Lots on my mind. Thinking about the baby and, right now, how the first week or so home will be. I'm worried about feedings. I go for stretches of time thinking that all will be well, but then I remember I've had b/r surgery and that my supply may be (most likely is) compromised and I start to worry. Worrying doesn't help, but I'm too tired right now to rationalize my way through this.
Here is an odd thing - I'm worried about waking up S when the baby has to feed at night. I know why I worry about this - when he first moved in, we had some unpleasant fights about his sleep - me snoozing was a huge issue then. He has changed quite a bit since then and if I told him this (which I will. but in the morning) he will tell me to not worry about him. That whatever I do is fine. He, lately, doesn't even like me getting up at night because he worries about me not sleeping or worries that I'm leaving the room to keep him from waking up.
The other thing I'm thinking about is money. I'm not worried about us having enough, I'm worried that I never share mine with him. Not on purpose, but we don't have a joint account and he pays many of the bills. It doesn't seem right to me. I comfort myself about the lack of housekeeping I do by telling myself I contribute by earning money and that I am 8.5 months pregnant - but if I'm not "sharing" that money with him, and we all know the pregnancy won't last, then what I am contributing, really? I'll talk to him about this tomorrow.
He bought us a new digital camera. Its great. I'm installing the software right now so I should log off for a bit.