Thursday, Oct 27 2005
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Can't sleep tonight either. This is getting a bit old. And it will get older, I'm sure. At least in a bit I'll have a baby to keep me sleepy company. Right now its just me and the cats. Fatty is staring up at me, purring, sweet thing, waiting for me to lean over and pet him. Nothin' like my kitties to make me feel loved.
My lips are chapped. And my teeth hurt. And my stomach is upset (that's code for gas). My breasts hurt.
Walnut is doing some major dancing for being so cramped in there. I swear I feel him in my throat. But I'm pretty sure that's really heartburn.
Cried for a bit tonight. Watched S spoon and pet Ripple and I felt jealous. I'm not proud of that. I wanted to be held and petted and have my head kissed as if I were precious. Did I tell him this? No. Earlier in the evening I was tossing the ball to Ripple and he asked me why I didn't toss it underhand. To me that was code for, "Stop it, you might break something." Which would be ironic since he throws her the ball from two feet away from where I was on the couch all the time. I said that I wasn't accurate underhand. Then a silence. Then I said, "I can't throw underhand, sitting down, with a belly the size of a large basketball - it gets in the way." And then he said, "Don't be upset. That wasn't such a bad thing to ask, was it?" and I thought about it and said, "No. What upsets me is how self conscious I feel now." Twenty minutes of mutual silence and then he came in to the baby room and apologized. Said he didn't want me to ever feel self conscious around him and that he was sorry he didn't think of that. I wasn't very gracious about it. Because, really, so the f#$% what if I throw overhand?! Is it really necessary to comment on?!
Took a bath and realized there was no point in trying to shave anything anymore. I can't reach. I remember having the idea that S could help me in that department, but that was before I had any inkling of what my body would become or how very much I wouldn't want anyone to see it naked.
Am getting lots of comments at work about incredibly well I'm doing for being SO pregnant. Its nice to be complimented. About something.
I am feeling sorry for myself right now, which is probably more than obvious. I feel totally unappreciated. Uncomplimented. Unnoticed. Unrecognized. Unimportant. Unpraised. Unattractive. Unsure.
GB - thank you for your emails. Love you all so much.