Sunday, Nov 20 2005
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
What a long day this has been. Its only 3pm, but I've been awake essentially since midnight last night. Will would not fall asleep for more than 20-30 minutes. I should be napping right now but I'm just not sleepy. I tried earlier in the day - after S got up - but I just couldn't sleep. It has to hit me sometime.
He is stirring right now so I may need to run shortly. He needs a bath today.
I spoke harshly to Will last night and I still cry thinking about it. I felt, and feel, deeply upset by it. I was doing my hair and starting crying when S asked how I was and I "confessed" what I had done. He held me and told me not to worry about it - that I am the best mom in the whole world, and that it was very understandable to be so frustrated. He asked me to please, please wake him up when I need to. I told him I didn't want him to think I was spurning his offers, but that I feel like I need to be the one getting up with Will since I might not be able to when I go back to work. He understood. I know this phase won't last forever. I do. And while I appreciate S's reassurances more than I can say - I still feel horrible about it. Truly horrible. I love Will so much.
I spoke to my mom a bit about this - S and I have actually been able to retain a life of sorts since Will was born and that is very unique - we haven't had to put every little thing on hold so I need to remember that when I am tired. We are very fortunate. We have even been closer than ever to each other.
I lost 2.5 pounds this week which was great since I ate only mildly well - I kept close to 1800 cals, but certainly went over several times. That makes it an even 20 pounds I need to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I don't want to be too impatient - I know that slow and steady does it, but it would be great to be back to 130 when I go back to work. Not because I care what people at work think, but because its a convenient milestone.
We went for a lovely walk yesterday - to a park we haven't been to before. There were some very steep hills and it was a nice workout. Poor Ripple got burrs all over her butt and tail and we ended up having to cut them out, so now she looks like a toddler got a hold of some scissors and went wild. Poor girl.
Not quite sure what to do with myself...