I have so many thoughts going through my mind and heart. Its the manic-equivelent of the manic/depressive type feelings I have right now. Post-partum-ness at its most fun.
I feel great during the day time, but every night since Ellen's birth, at 5pm sharp, I have a melt down. Of course, if this lasts much more than another week, I'll be calling my doctor.
(This might come out in fits and starts - it is, unfortunately, true (for me, anyway) that having two children isn't twice the work, its 8 times the work, which means less time than usual for things like journaling. And I have a very supportive, helpful husband - can't imagine what I'd do without him)
Ellen is amazing - she is strong (she is practically holding her head up already - and I'm not exagerating) and has two beautiful dimples, and dark, dark blue-gray eyes. She is smiling in her sleep as I write this. I can hear Will and Steve playing downstairs.
This is how Ellen arrived. On Sunday night, the 23rd, my parents arrived from OKC after a long drive. Around 4am, I woke up to go the bathroom and had the first painful contraction. They came fairly regularly after that, increasing in intensity. I knew that I would probably be going to the hospital the next day, so I got up to give Steve some time to sleep since I knew I'd need him fresh later on. I actually curled my hair, put on makeup, and called the clinic to report that the contractions were 4-7 minutes apart. I figured I would call even though they weren't the requisite 3-5 minutes apart since I needed a c-section, and I assumed they'd want as much advanced notice as possible. The on-call OB said to come in, and that she would prep the hospital for me. I woke Steve up, woke my parents up so that they (instead of me) could pick up my sister at the airport at 8:30, and around 8:30 we drove to the hospital and checked in.
Labor is very painful for me. More painful than anything I've ever experienced. I know that I have a low pain-threshold - I've always known that, but both experiences I've had with labor have been incredibly unpleasant. I found myself thinking over and over again during that Monday morning, "Thank goodness I have to have a c-section" because I just couldn't imagine enduring any more than absolutely necessary. The irony is that c-sections are by no means pain-free events. But for some reason, that type of pain is tolerable to me.
When we got to the hospital, they prepped me for the surgery. I actually passed out at one point - we think it was because I was laying on my back, and was both dehydrated and had an empty stomach (when I had woken up with the first contraction, I hadn't had anything to drink or eat since I suspected I'd have to have the c-section that day).
Then I went down to the OR, and got the epidural, and the surgery started. I threw up a few times during the surgery (or, more acurately, dry-heaved) which was pretty unpleasant, but all the attending nurses and doctors were very kind and compassionate. Steve and I both cried when we heard Ellen start to cry. The nurses shouted, "She's a chunk!" which made us laugh. One of them said, "No wonder you fainted with that laying on your aeorta!"
The surgery, the event itself, was wonderful to me because I could remember and appreciate how unhappy I was with Will's birth. I felt able to welcome Ellen into the world with pure love and joy and all the good things that she deserves.
She poops non-stop.