Where does the time go?
I knew that having two kids, instead of just one, would affect my daily routine and life and free time and finances and EVERYTHING, but I didnít know exactly how. Its hard. Its okay, but its hard. Everything non-essential their survival just gets scaled back. For example, Iíve been working on my picture book of Ellenís birth and Christmas and our trip to AZ for months now, and I canít seem to make progress. Another example Ė I canít blog regularly because there is no convenient time at home. If I canít blog, I can barely let folks know when Iím reading their blogs and thinking about them. Another example Ė my relationship with Steve.
The only reason I can still workout is that I do at lunch at work.
When I get frustrated with my lack of time, I try to remind myself that I have no business being anything but grateful since my babies are alive and thriving and healthy, and that I have a co-parent that makes what free time I do have very available for the kids.
In the spirit of trying to be a bit less critical of myself (per Jennieís strict orders), I try to end everyday thinking about what I did well in my interactions with Will and Ellen and Steve. My mind continually tries to focus on the negative, but I am going to keep trying. Because what else can you do?
I swear if there is a gene for the ďglass is half empty, and whatís left is crapĒ I have it in spades.
I think that it will be easier as both Will and Ellen get older. Iím sure different challenges will arise, but Iíd like to think that neither will be throwing a tantrum or fussing if Iím not standing on my head and dancing like a monkey to do their bidding when they are older. If thatís wrong, please donít tell me just yet. Let me dream for another few years.
I think my life will be here when the kids need me less. I hope it will. I suppose you have to work on making sure your marriage is still there when the kids need less, not just assume that it will be. I really, really, really wish I had family in town that could come take the babies for a few hours every so often so Steve and I could figure out if we still know or like each other or have anything left to enjoy together besides the odd episode of ďThe OfficeĒ and early morning marital relations. (You'd think those two things would cover a multitude of sins, but they only really do if you don't disagree about so many other things.) I donít want babysitters since Iíd like FOR ONCE not to have the LEAVE the house to get alone time or alone with Steve time.
Ellen turned over, once! Isnít she brilliant?
I just want to weep every time I try to get her smile on camera and just miss it. Her dimples are so huge and her eyes are so bright. Steve got us a Bumbo-wanna-be chair and she is doing well sitting in it.
Will said to me the other day, ďOh-ne-ma-gooseness!Ē which I figured out was ďOh my goodness!Ē
He also made me laugh yesterday when he was being wrestled to the ground by Steve, and said, ďNo bigga twubbul! No bigga twubbul!Ē which was his reference to the fact that Steve always says, ďYouíre in Big Trouble, mister!Ē when they wrestle.
I lost weight and inches last weigh-in. That was very welcome since Iíd stalled out for several weeks. Iím at 137.8 lbs, chest 38, waist 31.5, hips 38, and left thigh 21. Can you believe my waist was 26 at one point? I canít. Of course, that was before babies. Eeesh. Every child should have to compensate their birth mother for the effects on her body. It should be a mandatory thing, like contributing to Social Security. Every mother should have an interest-bearing, body-impact bank account, funded by her children.
7.8 lbs to go.