Monday, Aug 25 2008
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
I got to thinking so hard last night about whether or not to have another baby. I know, I know. Am I crazy? How many entries have I written about the utter fatigue and frustration of having two such young ones around? But, I think, after pondering it while stroking Baby Ellen's sweet, velvetty head as she fell asleep in my arms, that the desire to have that second and third and fourth baby is a desire (at least in me) to do it better this time - to appreciate each moment more. And that made me think - if I think I need to appreciate each stage more, then I need to focus that energy on my two existing babies. I need to slow down NOW and appreciate Will and Ellen in all their amazingness NOW - not contemplate another pregnancy and baby who may end up making me LESS able to focus and appreciate. I think I'll mourn the "loss" of this other baby for a while - but if ever there was decision I need to make for the good of my other children, then this is it.
I'm sad, though. I think I would love another baby. As crazy as life is, another little precious life is hard to resist. But Will and Ellen are amazing and deserve all I have to give.
I should ask Steve what he thinks. What if he wants another baby?
Will, Ellen, and I had wonderful time with Jennie. She was a tropper - helped me cart and load and unload the kids. Jennie is as charming and confident and funny in person as she is in her blogs, and the weight is dropping off of her. I told Will that her tummy might hurt, because I didn't want him barreling into her, but she said she felt good. I was very impressed with her quick recovery. What a blessing CK has been to me - I feel so much...what?...meaning/warmth/love...from the people I know from CK, that would be without if I didn't the CK community. Jennie made me feel unself conscious and natural, and that was wonderful.