Thursday, Jan 1 2009
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Its 6:15am. If you had told me ten years ago that I would someday view early morning as a sanctuary from the busy-ness of the day, and that I would consider it prime "me" time, I wouldn't have understood what you were talking about. In the most fundamental sense. My thoughts would have run, "Isn't ALL time ME time?" "Days aren't that busy. I don't get it." Ah, growing up. Sure does change one's perspective. I do realize what an obvious statement that is, but I'm actually FEELING it right now, not just intellectually assessing it.
From my notes yesterday - Xmas.
Christmas was good this year in that it helped clarify a lot of things for me personally and for our family. It wasn't necessarily fun the whole time (picture a drama with Steve where I wail, "I'm starting feel like its a conspiracy!" - and I was utterly serious - and you get the drift). After some all around bumping awkwardly off of each other, I think we have a better sense of how to make the holidays a GOOD time.
Steve got me an 8-piece place setting of holly berry dishware to use over the holidays, and I was SO touched. Its something I never would have thought to get myself. It was the perfect present. So was his insistence that we go to the carolling service because he knew how much I would enjoy it.
We opened gifts on Christmas morning, which aside from Santa's gifts, I've never done. It worked well with the kids' sleep/nap schedule. Not sure we'll keep that up - I love the magic of Christmas Even gifts, but I'm open. That's the good thing that happened - I figured out that my assumptions about how the holidays would "run" aren't necessarily possible or the best.
Its hard not to put tons of emotional eggs in the holiday basket. It really is.
So - to help make sure that I'm being as deliberately joyful about it all next year as I can be, I've made a list of the things I love doing and the things I want to share with Will and Ellen, and approximate time frames around the holidays to do them, so that early in November next year, I can pull the list out, and plan accordingly. Nothing crazy, just when to decorate, when to make cookies, when to take holiday pictures, when to plan menus, etc. I need to remind myself to add the Holidazzle Parade and drinks in downtown St Paul to the list (downtown St Paul is SOOO gorgeous in winter with the snow and old buildings and lights twinkling. Love it.).
This is part of the feeling empowered - to use a horribly overused phrase, but a very apt one for how I feel - I'm thinking outside the box, my box, and doing what I can to make good things better and bad things less of an issue.
The offer is in, and has been for about a week. Its anyone's guess when the bank will respond, so we are in a holding pattern for now. Which is okay. This process has drained the anxiety and urgency out of the issue for me, so I feel prepared for whatever happens.
Steve and I have had some fun thinking about additional furniture to buy for the new house. And I'm having visions of waking up on winter weekend mornings in our cozy master suite, lighting the fire, watching the sun rise over the lake, drinking coffee in the little reading/lounging room. Ahh.
Weight and body (sleep, bladder) -
I'm experiencing some insomnia again. I'll sleep fine for about 6 hours, but then can't sleep any more. And my bladder is always full by mid-night. Both are a change for me, so I wondered if my weight loss had anything to do with it. I know I should drink less before bedtime, but I'm loath to give that up. Just seems strange that suddenly my bladder has shrunk.
Speaking of weight loss. I'm really torn about where to go from here. I've been on the straight and narrow for about six months now, and have made great progress. I'm in the low 130's. What I can't decide is whether or not to push on for another 5 pounds right away, or give myself a month or so of maintenance first. The argument for pushing on is that it'll be "done" that much sooner, and I get out of this weight loss mode sooner than I would otherwise. Also - since I don't plan to get pregnant again, I plan never to have to lose a significant amount of weight again. But knowing how hard it is for me to lose, and how long it takes, and how even at this weight, I still have bulges and lumps and don't quite FEEL done yet, I should get to the point where I feel DONE before turning to maintenance. The argument for maintenance is that I have been in weight loss mode for so long, it might do my body good to have a break from a metabolism standpoint.
One weird reason I was thinking about "stopping" altogether (meaning just go to permanent maintenance right now) is that my clothes are all at a point where they fit, basically. I can wear 8's very loosely, 6's just fine. I can't wear 10's anymore, so I'll need to clear those out of the closet. But if I lose another 5 pounds, the 8's probably won't fit at all, and I' have a lot of 8's. So, it would be a significant wardrobe overhaul, which seems wasteful (albeit fun). I told Steve this, and he said, just put away the clothes and you won't feel so guilty. You can donate them or keep them in case you get pregnant again, etc. So, I don't think I'll let this issue be the deciding factor. But it was weirdly large in the overall consideration of things.
I'm tempted to do maintenance for January. I think that would mean between 1500 and 1600 cals per day (based on the BMR calculator and my previous experience). And probably no "off" days yet. Diligent logging. I'm going to mull that over today and decide for sure one way or the other.
These will have to weight for another time. I need to get Will up and start my day.
-Will and Ellen
-Hopes/dreams for 09
-Work (courses, career)