LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog

Monday, Jan 26 2009

View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day

Several times during the past two weeks, Will has called Ellen “sweetie girl” which just melts my heart because he made that up on his own – neither Steve or I call her that. :love:

When I doubt myself as a parent, I take comfort in the love/care Will shows to Ellen, because it means that he is observing good/loving behavior from Steve and I and translating it to her.

He is by no means like this all the time, but on Friday evening, when Steve left for LaCrosse, Ellen crawled to the gate at the top of the stairs and fussed after her departing Daddy. Will said to her, “Oh, its okay, sweetie girl. I know. I know you are sad to see Daddy go. He’ll be back soon,” and he found a blanket for her, and gave it to her, which is always comforting to her. (I’m always saying to Will and Ellen, “I know you feel…”, so it was a bit trippy to hear that coming from Will). I have to remember these times when I’m berating myself for some less than patient moment or less than wise course of action with the kids.

Because modeling is so important, I’ve taken to telling Will when I’m taking a time out for myself, to regain my composure (maybe once a week, I have to do this - its annoying, but I'm learning what works for me). Because I know how observant he is, I’m confident he’ll learn that timeouts are ultimately more about gaining self control than they are about punishment, per se. Also, hopefully he'll remember that I TRIED to control myself when he's laying on the therapist's couch twenty years from now. :tongue10:

I was up 2 lbs at my last weigh in – this was very concerning to me, but not unexpected as I had been starting to slide the last part of last week – getting closer to 2000 for several days than the 1500 to 1600 mark. Should that result in 2lbs? Probably not, so there might be some water weight going on, but still – after 4 weeks of “perfect” maintenance, it was distressing. :afraid4:

It makes me wonder if maybe I’m not ready for maintenance yet. I don’t want the natural fluctuations that happen to be SO distressing. However, if I set myself a goal of being between 125 and 130, my maintenance calories will be even lower than they are now (right now I’m in the 130-135 range).My maintenance calories already feel so low, which is why I think I was starting to subconsciously rebel. Also, I think I was manifesting some anxiety about Steve being gone for the third weekend in a row, and feeling like I deserved a reward (or forty).

I HAVE to wrap my mind and heart around the idea that maintenance doesn’t mean free for all. Is this why I haven’t succeeded at it before? Ugh. Discouraging. Well, this is why I’m practicing it – to figure out what works and what doesn’t for me.

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3 comments so far.


9 years ago

You're a great mom! Hope the next weigh-in is better. I know what you mean about maintenance--I think it's harder than losing!




9 years ago

I HAVE to wrap my mind and heart around the idea that maintenance doesn’t mean free for all. Man. I am right there with you. How many of us start this journey with the attitude that we just have to get through it and then things can go "back to normal". All that crap about a lifestyle change is theory. Except life isn't theoretical. reality is much harder to handle than the idea that it's a temporary change. And no matter how many times I tell myself that the difference between success and failure is my attitude and approach, it doesn't seem to sink in. which would explain the regain of 20 pounds. :sad3: I have to ditto Jennie in the parenting department. You are much too hard on yourself, and often when you berate your parenting skills, I think, "Thank God she can't see me!" :$ You're like that skinny friend who complains of being fat, leaving those around her thinking, "if she thinks that's fat then I must be grotesque!" =D You have an ability to self regulate and enforce those timeouts that I find amazing; I am one of those people that thinks about it too late.

by CBL



9 years ago

I can SO see Will saying that to Ellen. Lynn, how many times have I told you that you are WAY too hard on yourself? You are SUCH a good mom, and the proof is in the Will-puddin'. :kiss: I know I'm probably way off-base, but it just seems to me that it takes way less than 3,500 extra calories for me to gain a pound and way more than 3,500 calories cut to lose a pound. You DO deserve a reward -- but food is not a great reward because the satisfaction is so fleeting. I have faith that you'll figure it out -- you've got enough insight to change and redirect as you go along. :kiss: