LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog

Friday, Mar 6 2009

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Update on the house drama: After verbally renegging on their verbal acceptance of our offer, the bank/investor was sent a market analysis by the selling agent, trying to make them/him realize you can't reject a decent offer in this real estate market. Which you would think a financial entity would know, but apparently not. The bank/investor sent out for a new appraisal, which came in AT our offer level. So - here's hoping one more time that they see sense. We really want this house. But we can't offer more for it than we already have. Sit and wait. Like we have been for months, now. I try to keep at the top of my mind that we are fortunate to be in a position to make an offer on a house, and if this doesn't work out, we will find something else. Still, the waiting is hard.

Sometimes I'm reminded of how fortunate I am in Steve. Last night I went to my MOPS group. The majority of the moms there are SAH, and their hubbies work. I'm amazed that a grown woman has to tell a grown man that he needs to a) feed their child when she isn't there, and b) order him NOT to get on computer or read a book until after the baby is asleep b/c he should spend 2 out of 24 hours focusing on his child/children. If I had tell Steve that I wouldn't feel like I had a partnership or a marriage. I would feel like I had another child, which is hardly romantic much less sustainable.

Its not that I'm judging these women for having less than involved husbands/fathers (how unfair that would be), it just makes me confused about how a parent could be so out of touch, and sad for the moms who have to spend their days not just taking of/teaching their children about life, but taking care of/teaching their husbands about life and responsibility. I would feel so alone if that were my situation. In charge, yes, which is something I have to give up to some degree, in my situation, but so alone.

I'd like to think that if that were my sitatuion, and my partner was less than present as a parent, I would try to leave him alone with the child/ren regularly, for longer than a few hours. In learning to parent, I think being FORCED by a situation to deal with the needs of a child by yourself is the fastest way to taking charge and owning a responsiblity. This, of course, assumes you feel safe leaving your child. Not comfortable, maybe, but safe.

Was it Staci :hi: that said pregnancy should be by application only? That contraception should be in the water, and you should have to jump through major hoops to get the antidote? :laugh5:

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Comments

11 comments so far.

11.

5 years ago

Good luck with the waiting; I know how tough it is. You will find the perfect home!

by BREADANDROSES

BREADANDROSES

10.

5 years ago

Man, this house thing is driving ME nuts and I'm not even the one who is going to be living in it. Hang in there sweetie, good things come to those who wait so you, S and the family should be getting a "BIGGIN" any day now.

by JAXS

JAXS

9.

5 years ago

I was going to say the same as Michelle and Callie....the "babysitting" remark always makes me insane. You are very lucky to have Steve. :heart2: I'm so sorry that you're going through all this waiting about the house. I swear...I realize more and more everyday that there are people out there who are truly ignorant to the economy and housing market problems right now. Hopefully they will see that what you've offered them is right on.

by AMYC18

AMYC18

8.

5 years ago

I agree with Michelle; when people say that their husband's are "watching" or "babysitting" the kids, it drives me batty. I always want to say, "oh, so you watch/babysit them while he's at work?" I am a SAHM, and I know that some men would then lay all of the care and feeding of the kids on me. Eric is very involved and attentive, and I honestly can't imagine being married to someone different. Though I suppose the point there is that I wouldn't have been drawn to a man who had opposite parenting beliefs.

by CBL

CBL

7.

5 years ago

I still can't believe they are not jumping at a reasonable offer. You know, I quite often make the mistake of telling/reminding/asking Dan to do something regarding the kids... And then I get 'the look', and the "do really have to tell me these things". I think it's my way out if he forgets something... I can at least say, "I told you to...." He's a very attentive father, and you'd think after 13 years, I'd learn to shut my mouth already.... :)

by DAWN

DAWN

6.

5 years ago

ooh, still keeping my fingers crossed for you on the house. I'm also floored at the lack of involvement of some parents, mother or father, I know. I've had people tell me how "lucky" I am that Larry is SAH and such an integral part of Gray's young life, and I always say that I wouldn't have it any other way. I really wouldn't, and can't imagine it. sometimes I feel like he does way more than I do which is my own cross to bear as we figure out this whole parenting thing together.

by HOOSIERSTACE

HOOSIERSTACE

5.

5 years ago

I'm sure you know this, and I'm sure you've heard it a million times BUT - if the house is meant to happen, it will happen. That said, I'm keeping all fingers and toes crossed for you that it all works out.//You know, I have some friends whose husbands are definitely like a third/fourth child. I feel bad for them. To flip it around a bit, though, I also have some friends who feel like their husbands are total incompetent boobs only because the husbands don't do things the way they (the women) would. I can say I fell into this trap early on when Maura was very young. But one quickly has to realize that there are multiple ways of doing things and just because my husband might not be so firm on, say, bedtimes or when the kids eat as I might be, he still loves them and is going to take great care of them. I'm not saying this is the situation in your MOPS group at all, just sharing another side of things I've seen time and time again. Like you were saying about being forced to deal with your kids on your own - I used the opportunity of having my husband take care of the kids as a way to learn how to give up total control of caring for them. Anyway, have a great weekend!!

by KLWALK

KLWALK

4.

5 years ago

Gosh, I can't imagine going through so much suspense over a house offer. I hope they see reason. Anytime I hear a woman refer to her husband as one of her children, I think, "Hello--what's wrong w/this picture?" But most of the dads I know are not like that at all, even if they're not the SAH parent (& some of them are). So there are plenty of good parenting models out there as well as the bad ones, & you & S strike me as one of the best.

by CLOE

CLOE

3.

5 years ago

I so agree with the pregnancy by application. People have to jump thru so many hoops to adopt or foster childen in need of homes, yet some moron like the girl at NAU last week, gets pregnant and throws the newborn in the trash. ** Good luck with the house! Fingers crossed.

by PATTIXOXO

PATTIXOXO

2.

5 years ago

I like Stace's theory of application and process. I wonder how we go about instituting that. (And in *small* defense of the menfolk you mention, I have observed some of our (here) (local, not CK) moms who are convinced their husbands/child's fathers are idiots, without giving the man a chance to prove otherwise. They assume that because he isn't home all day with them he won't know what to do ... or most often, that if he isn't doing (whatever it is) the same way she would do that he's doing it wrong and must be corrected. Often in a very demeaning and condescending way, and often in front of her/their friends.) That defense made, yes there are a lot of unequal pairings (can't really call them partnerships if they're unequal, eh?) in the world, and kudos to you for recognizing the great good fortune and blessing you have in your partner! :kiss:

by REV

REV

1.

5 years ago

I agree, Lynn. How many times have you hear a woman say "my husband is babysitting tonight" ... makes me want to pull my hair out and I'm not even married! My hope (dream) would be to find a true PARTNER in life, not someone that is dependent upon me for their survival..I've already GOT that! :laugh5:

by MAYASMOM

MAYASMOM