Wednesday, Sep 23 2009
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
My drive home on Sunday was nerve-wracking at first since it rained hard for about an hour. Then it let up, and was beautiful. It actually took me a bit longer to get home Ė not sure why. Iím guessing I stopped more, but I wouldnít have it any other way. There is no point in giving myself a bladder infection just to shave 20 minutes off of a drive.
I came home to find out there had been another leak in the house. Steve didnít tell me about it while I was gone because he didnít want me to worry. Just like I didnít tell him about Rippleís infected ear when he was gone. Some might argue thatís not good communicating Ė I just think its thoughtful of us. There is nothing the other person can do other than worry and feel guilty, and that would defeat the purpose of the time away from home.
I came back feeling rested and restored. I know it was the combination of great company and knowing that the people I normally worry/obsess about were safe and happy. As much as I would like to reflect on each woman individually and what I really enjoyed and admire about her, this might not be the right place for that. Suffice it to say I havenít laughed like that in long time, nor have I often felt as accepted and appreciated for just being myself.
I also found myself re-energized regarding food and exercise. Iím not sure why Ė it may just be as basic as being able to imagine all the women working hard at their goals and dealing with life when it gets in the way. S and I will quit on Sunday. I am dreading it, but it needs to happen. I found another wrinkle on my face this morning that wasnít there a few months ago, and I know exactly what habit to blame for it.
In case anyone is interested in the soap opera that is Willís potty training Ė since we reached the end of our sanity, searched the internet for the 9807th time and finally found a pamphlet on potty trying older boys (the authorís theory is no more diapers or pull ups at all, and tp use accidents as teaching moments to connect the urge to go more intimately with the success on the potty), he has been doing a virtually PERFECT job of pooping in either the big potty or the potty in his room. Steve and I even found a bad of used wipes that he had been using and throwing away Ė it made me so proud of him. He has been waking up with wet underwear, and weíre not sure how best to handle that. I donít want to go back to pull ups, and even when we wake him up late at night or early in the morning, he still pees in his sleep. We need to find a way to limit his liquids, but he is SO attached to taking a cup of water to bed with him. As much as I donít want to, we may need to just take it away for a while. I have read that there are some boys whose bodies simply canít control urination during sleep until they are older.
Steve and I brainstormed ideas for dealing with our difficult evenings, and have decided that when I get home, he will take Will outside right away, after hugs and kisses. Ellen is usually happy to let me get changed and make something for dinner Ė or at least she is more manageable when Will isnít right there, too. I reiterated my belief that family dinners are important and really should not be a daily trainwreck, and that I was grudgingly willing to wait for another six months or so before we try them. I said it more politely than that, but I was heard and thatís all I need for the moment.
I saw my therapist yesterday and it was another good session. We actually talked a lot about attachment, and she gave me some authors to look up. I wasnít left to cry in my crib as a baby for hours on end, but I did only get intermittent connection to and reinforcement from my mother as I grew older, so I have always had a feeling of insecurity around her Ė around her lack of any weaknesses/failings (so it seemed to me). Its painful to think about my mom in a critical way, and terrifying to think of what Iím doing to Will and Ellen, but these are good things to think about if for no other reason that they give me context for some of my uncomfortable feelings and chronic self doubt. I am still enjoying the Terrance Real book Ė I am in the section on how to ask for what you need in close relationships, and its really resonating with me. I am anxious to start the yoga classes.