LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog

Friday, Oct 30 2009

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I am having a really hard morning.

When I dropped Will off today he cried and tried to run away from me (ie away from the door). It was so frustrating and discouraging.

I called the school just now to see if he had calmed down. I spoke live with the teacher, and she said he stops crying on a dime, but that for the past week or so he has been refusing to do his some of his work. She said that they let him choose some of his work and they choose some work for him, but that he at times refused to complete either kind. She said he is bright and he really is engaged sometimes.

She said she thinks it is a power struggle of sorts - that he is trying to see what he can get away with. Which mirrors our challenges with Will at home. She said she thinks at heart he really enjoys school but that she hasn’t seen this type of crying and power-struggling go on for this long after the start of the school year.

I am so worried about him. I have been for a while. I thought that 3.5 and 4 would be such great/fun times for him, but they really haven’t been. The struggle with potty training was horrible and school has been a source of great anxiety and lots of tears for him (at least while he is at home).

I took him to see a Bert and Ernie play at the Children’s Theater and he was DISTRAUGHT while we were sitting in the audience. We finally had to go to the quiet room where he could see the plan but not be part of the crowd. I took treats into school for his birthday yesterday and all it did was make him upset and worried about not having enough cookies at home. I am in despair that Will is VERY shut off to new experiences. The teacher said he’ll even choose the same chair to sit in for every activity.

I don’t know what to do. And I feel certain somehow that this is ALL MY FAULT.
And after yesterday’s comment that Steve and I have been very tender with each other lately, we had a spat last night and again this morning that is leaving me feeling unappreciated and disrespected, and without my best friend.

I think my biggest concern with regard to Will is that I can’t tell the difference with him between TRUE distress/anxiety and displays of distress/anxiety that are designed to ensure he doesn’t have to do something he doesn’t want to do. This makes it very difficult to know when to enforce expectations of certain behaviors and when to back off and provide relief/comfort. I don’t want to break his little spirit, but I also don’t want him to not be curious and engaged and interested in new things and ideas and experiences.

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2 comments so far.


8 years ago

Hmmm...I only really started experiencing feeling "old" once I passed 45. // Not sure what to say about Will other than you have to break his spirit to some degree. To not do so makes it tough for him to develop self discipline. He really shouldn't have any true distress/anxiety at his age and if he ingrains the pattern of feigned distress/anxiety getting him out of doing stuff he doesn't want to he'll carry that to adulthood.

by JAY



8 years ago

So sorry you're having a tough go right now -- no words of wisdom on your parenting challenges, but I think I can say with certainty that it's not All Your Fault - that would be a mighty big load to take on. I admire anyone that is willing to take on the challenges of parenthood - weaving one's way through a child's development awesome - somehow once you've moved past the self-blame and frustration/concern you'll figure it out - maybe just in time to meet the next challenge he presents. There's a bright side to find somewhere - hope it shows itself soon. Hang in there. :heart2::kiss: