On Thursday I am off to Miami for a few days with my sister. I had envisioned this trip as a reward for maintaining, and I think I can consider it that way, still. I'm at the higher end of what I'm comfortable with, but my measurements are decent, so for now its okay. As ever (it seems) I'm toying with trying to get under 1X0 but I am not ready for what that would entail just yet. I have decided I can't do any running my knees just aren't happy with me when I run so I'm going to stop barking up that tree. I can walk fast and uphill on the treadmill, but no running.
I can't wait to see Stephie she will have come off of a marathon trip from Port-au-Prince to NYC to Amsterdam to Nairobi to Entebee, Uganda and back via Miami. Hopefully we can just sick and drink for as long as it takes to make us both relax. This is the hotel we are staying at:
I hope its nice but really, I just want a balcony and a view of the ocean (which our room is supposed to have) and a bed. And beer. Or wine. And books. And coffee in the morning. And my sister. That pretty much does it.
I have REALLY had to work on managing my anxiety lately. I think mentioned that last time, as well. I've gotten away from some calming techniques (I was getting cocky), so I think I need to incorporate them again. The anxiety has to do with an insane workload at work and with the Treasurer's duties I've assumed at Will's preschool. Neither are rocket science but the combination of needing to get things done while simultaneously NOT being allowed (by both my own personality but also by what's in my my own best interest) to get outwardly frustrated with people who don't do what I need them to do or don't do what they've committed to doing or don't do what I think needs doing...it just really wears on me. Part of a solution that I'm trying to focus on (although its almost too long term to help) is getting the majority of my current stupid-work in a format that can be passed to a clerical person for completion. Its just not work I want to be doing and frankly the company is paying me WAY TOO MUCH to do some of the crap work I do. I want to be developing processes, implementing, and then having someone ELSE actually do the tasks on an ongoing basis. The Treasurer's duties are of the same ilk repetitive, inconvenient and requiring little to no brain work. Also, I get irritated with parents who don't work outside the home making all kinds of assumptions about what my availability is (the president is a SAHD who is very nice but a bit bossy). Wait - what is it with bossy SAHDs and me?!
I feel stretched very thin but I'm also just way too irritable lately. I need a break. I'm actually worried that 4 days away won't be enough.
I'm going to miss Will and Ellen
that hasn't always been the case when I go on trips I feel guilty for leaving them (every single time) but haven't necessarily MISSED them every time. I've just really gotten into a wonderful grove with both of them a combination I think of where they are in their development and where I am in my appreciation of them. Ellen is now able to sit with Will and I at night and read books. Its SO wonderful to have one on each side of me and both leaning on me and listening so intently to the stories.
The lake is ice free. Today it was 70 degrees. In March. In Minnesota. That's crazy. We ate dinner outside on the deck. I always think of skipping Stats class in college when the weather is nice in the spring it was the spring after one of the worst winters here in MN and my girlfriend Missy and I used to fight with ourselves valiantly NOT to skip Stats, but temptation won out on more than one occasion. We would sit on a blanket on the quad and watch people pass by and soak up the spring sun. Flirt with boys and plan our social lives for that weekend. Weird to think we barely used email then and no one had cell phones.
One day last week, I saw the same bald eagle 3 times. I swear it felt like it was trying to tell me something. SO gorgeous he perched on what was left of the ice. His wings were big that when he stood on the ice, he looked like a turkey kind of hunched over like turkeys look, with his wings dragging behind him. Then he flew about by my home office window about 20 feet from me, and then he flew in front of my car on the way to work for about 30 seconds. If it was a message, I don't think I've gotten it yet unless it was to appreciate even more where I live and how in tune I feel with the changing seasons.
Off to bed.