Thursday, Jan 20 2011
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Someone that I volunteer with at Will's preschool really, really, really ticked me off and I let it get the better of me. I was confrontational and loud about it, too. It was very non-adult like. I still think he is a bossy a$$ with no people skills in a volunteer world of mostly moms who should be sensetive to the fact that he as a man CANNOT be pushing women around, but I shouldn't have reacted the way I did becaues now it is weighing on me. Incredibly. I dug my heals in over it, in part because I feel like I have NO BALLS usually and I decided for once not to swallow my negative reaction. The problem is that Forest Lake is very small and I may have made an enemy for life. This is not like me. I keep trying to figure out what happened and why I chose to behave the way I did. I know I misconstrued his intentions at least to some degree. I know I probably over-reacted. I should have just let it go, and resigned the treasurer position if I needed to. Without making a big deal about it. The cost-benefit analysis has not come down in my favor, so it wasn't the right the to do on several frons.
It doesn't help that Will is completely refusing to do his 'work' at preschool. This is a pretty academically-disciplined setting, which I have vacilated between thinking is a great thing particularly for Will and wondering if it isn't too much for a preschooler. He says he just doesn't feel like it. I get the sense he is experimenting with what he can get away with and what reactions people will have to his rebellion.
It helps even less that the preschool teachers decided that they didn't like the necessary/appropriate/legal new tax witholdings that the accountant implemented for 2011 for their paychecks. Even though I provided the detail to the teachers on what had changed and why, they seemed umimpressed WITH ME. PERSONALLY. Again, I'm probably interpreting their reactions in whatever way is least favorable to myself, but I am still frustrated. I work hard for this school, and it sucks to feel like I'm being punished on 3 different fronts for my efforts.
Steve tells me over and over and over again that I'm very nice and I always give people multiple chances and the benefit of the doubt and that he has my back 100% and that if I ever think I've gone too far, I haven't. Its sweet to feel like someone in my corner.
But I just feel YUCKY and ANXIOUS about it all. And mad at myself.