Saturday, Mar 5 2011
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Major meltdown for me today. Not for sure on why - maybe a disapointing weigh in, maybe a frustrating set of interactions with S, maybe feeling overwhelmed by the new job, maybe fatigue from less sleep. That sounds about right.
I don't really want to dwell, but it is amazing how writing things down, specifically, typing things down, helps me organize my thoughts. I wish my thoughts were naturally organized, but I suspect that's not an acquired skill.
Some things that need to change:
I need to take my vitamins. I eat breakfast in the car now to save time, and for some reason, I have a hard time remembering to take my vitamins without a sit down breakfast.
I'm not crazy about my morning routine, but I just cannot think of any other way to manage it. I am hoping to be able to get to work later in the morning later on but for now I think it just needs to be endured. And this involves working out for 20-25 minutes in the morning which isn't enough, but its all I'm willing to do. There is a workout room at work, but I don't want to get too sweaty because for some reason, I've started to really smell. I don't know if my body chemistry has changed (post pill? or age?) but I smell sweaty even with deodorant. I'm mistified and frustrated by it.
I think one of the challenges that I will have at work is that my job will involve, without any kind formal reporting relationship or authority, monitoring and assessing and documenting other people's work. This is completely unchartered territory for me. I think it called matrixed management, but isn't really project management per se. It's assessment and monitoring and then documenting that 'oversight'. Its very strange to me. I'm not entirely clear on how it should work. I am hoping that I can get through this initial akwardness pretty quickly.
My weight is so frustrating. If I had a dollar for every time I've said or thought that, I'd be RICH. I'm not sure I've ever put this together in my own mind until now, but frustration with my weight means frustration with my body, which leads to that totally useful but very powerful sense/conviction I get too often that the world is against me. That's not quite right, but it is as close as I can come to describing the feeling. Everything becomes global in my mind.
S is going to Las Vegas for a few days starting on Wednesday. I will be home with the kids. I'm looking forward to it. We'll do lots of special things, like the kids' museum, and Chuck E Cheese, and bowling.
In April Stephie and I are going to Mexico, and then in May, I'm going to a work conference Florida. Its good to have these things to look forward to.
Will has been calling Ellen "Ellie Gorgina" lately - " gorgina " is S's take on " gorgeous " - its very sweet.
OK, that's enough for now.