I spent all day yesterday reading through my journal entries from when I was pregnant with Ellen. It was wonderful - I had forgotten so much, so I am so thankful that I took the time to write down what I did. I HAVE to be better at doing that even though its exponentially harder now to find the time and energy.
Chotchke is a kidney bean this week (8). I love the webbed paddle hands and the gigantic forehead and the little stubby feet-legs.
I've been sleeping better this week than last, but the ladies are pretty sore and the nausea goes in waves over the entire day. I have moments were I wonder how I'm going to get through the next hour. Fortunately we have a sick room here at work if I really need to lay down. I’m trying to keep within my calorie range while still using food to settle my stomach – its not easy. My hair and nails are growing faster than usual. Many of my pants don’t fit (already!) – I got a belly-band type thing that I think will help get me through the next several months. I picked up a few maternity items at the thrift store for next to nothing, which was nice.
I talked to the little one in the car today. “Mama loves you very much and I’m going to take good care of you. You have a wonderful big brother and big sister who will love you, too. I can’t wait to see you. You just stay there and grow and be warm and cozy. Daddy loves you too even though he might not realize how much just yet, so you be patient with him and I will be too.”
Will is in a very investigative, slightly obsessive phase. He fixates on a concept and asks both new and repeating questions about it almost non-stop (decay, decomposition, vibrations, wheels, engines, etc.). I'd be lying if I said it didn't worry me a bit, although I'm fairly certain I understand the reason for the everlasting repetition. He is very attune to slightly different answers (between Steve and I or even over time) so he wants to hear what we'll say THIS time he asks the question. I do love that he wants to know why things happen the way they do, but his anxieties can get the best of him. I wish more than anything that I could alleviate that distress for him. He is talking about going to kindergarten, which is wonderful because Steve and I didn't have to tell him about it - he just absorbed it from preschool and from questions from relatives. He even said, "I'm going to go to 12 grades and then college, and then I'm going to be ROAD FIXER. I’ll call the people with the equipment and they’ll come!" He thinks the state of our roads is deplorable.
Will has been swimming in our lake the last few days. This is a new development. We hadn't really even considered swimming before this holiday because of how unclear the water is, but we had some neighbors go in and then Will wanted to try it and we thought, Why not? As long he showers afterwards. He's been LOVING it. I have too. Ellen has been wading in, although she is not nearly the water baby that Will is. I think the water is silty more than anything. I do try to keep him out away from the shore and dock towards the cleaner/moving water.
Ellen has been following her cousin Evan around the last few days of their visit – basically like a shadow. She is so precocious. She is very articulate and very socially adept. She copies Will some, but not excessively. She also stuck close to her Papa (Steve’s dad) during his visit a week or so ago – she has loved him since she was born. She has very special place in his heart because she is named after his daughter who died not long after being born.
Ellen has detached from me a bit, which is hard for me to embrace graciously. I think part of it is how open she is to other people, which I love, but there is part of me that hungers for her attention – I’ve been so used to her wanting to be with me almost all the time, it does make for a change to have that not be the case.
She was fascinated by our wedding pictures when I showed them to her the other day. In fact, I didn’t realize she even knew what a wedding is – or the idea of getting married since we haven’t been to a wedding as a family and I don’t think we’ve talked about it, but she did. “Is he wearing a wedding dress?” She says “he” for both “he” and “she”. I asked her who it was, and it took her a while to realize it was me. (Should I be upset?) She listed it as one of her ‘favorite things’ that night – ‘seeing the wedding pictures’. We usually list our favorite things from that day at night before bed.
I told her that Daddy is Mommy’s husband and I am Daddy’s wife. She repeated the words (she and Will both love knowing the right names for things). When I quizzed her later on what Daddy is to Mommy, she said mischievously, “Baby!” which is what Steve and I call each other almost exclusively. She loves making people laugh.
She is a bit of a sore loser and this concerns me – with board and card games, I mean. I know its probably very normal but Will handles losing so graciously (and always has) that anything other than that ends of seeming petulant on her part. We just tell her that big girls don’t pout if they lose, they say congratulations and try to have fun. Hopefully she grows out of it. She’s only 3.5 after all.
Over the fourth, we had our 3rd annual Typo Lake Pontoon Parade. This year, nearly all of the pontoons bungeed up together in a gigantic flotilla – almost like a party barge. It was so much fun. Word on the lake has spread quickly about my pregnancy so it was nice to talk to people about it.