LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog

Monday, Aug 1 2011

View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day

I'm testing my emotional waters to see if I am ready to come out of the dark.

I've shared with many of you that I miscarried, but I know there are some friends that I haven't told. In self protection mode, I told as many people as I could in as short a timeframe as I could so I wouldn't have to repeat it or feel ambushed by someone who didn't know I'd lost the baby. At the time that seemed the only way to go. I don't feel quite so vulnerable now.

Physically, I'm doing well. I had a D&C last Monday. The hospital staff took such amazing care of me that I almost didn't mind that S wasn't with me. Or anyone from my daily life. Almost. The doctors and nurses were compassionate and kind, and I was relieved to 'only' have sedation and not general anesthesia. I slept through the procedure, which I'm thankful for, and I am finally feeling more like myself physically. I was even able to stop some medication early because I have healed so quickly.

Emotionally - I'll have a few good days and then get hit with it all over again and fall apart for a while. Repeat. There are also other things weighing on me - related, but not the miscarriage itself - that I think I will keep to myself for now. So its hard to know where one grief ends and another begins.

Am trying to work myself back into an exercise routine as I know that may help my mind and heart and body. Am just doing 20 minutes in the morning but I feel fine starting with that. I am pretty weak, unfortunately. Working out at lunch just isn't working for me, so mornings it is. Eating isn't going very well, but I am going to start with one or two things and work from there. Am about 6-7 lbs above where I want to be. Some of that will come off post-D&C, but most of it is 'real' weight.

Am looking forward to some time in a few weeks by myself at a friend's cabin, just a few hours north of here.

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Comments

12 comments so far.

12.

3 years ago

I hope you've enjoyed some quiet time at the cabin and I hope that the waves are coming slower these days. :love:

by EPMOMMA

EPMOMMA

11.

3 years ago

Money for nothing and my chicks for free? :) You can be in my first rock star video. You can do 80's big hair can't you?

But thank you. You, Big Bobbo, Kepola and MinneBob (among many others) are my rock stars. I'm just part of the tribute band. :kiss:

by JAY

JAY

10.

3 years ago

I read this some time ago and please forgive me but I really struggled with what to say. I am just so sorry on all levels and wish only for your heart to heal and not ache. I am just so sorry.

by JAXS

JAXS

9.

3 years ago

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I have too much experience with such losses. SCALEHO's comments are right on target. Please take good care of yourself and accept your feelings, no matter what they are.

by ABIZ

ABIZ

8.

3 years ago

Thinking of you, Lynn. Sending healing thoughts and hugs your way. :kiss:

by DEBORAHV

DEBORAHV

7.

3 years ago

:hugs: Lynnie.

by JAY

JAY

6.

3 years ago

ohhhh, I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. :kiss:

by NMA5632

NMA5632

5.

3 years ago

:heart2:

by HOOSIERSTACE

HOOSIERSTACE

4.

3 years ago

Yes, Sweetie, grief comes in waves and washes over you and then you'll be ok until the next wave. After a while, they'll get farther apart and some normalcy will return. Take it as it happens and don't deny yourself the need to grieve. It WAS a sad thing that happened and you have a right to mourn it. Love you, Lynnie! :kiss: Please be kind to you.

by SCALEHO

SCALEHO

3.

3 years ago

So sorry, Lynn. Cyberhugs, and I wish I could give you a real one. :kiss:

by CLOE

CLOE

2.

3 years ago

You will never forget this precious little baby.

by MUSICALMARGARET

MUSICALMARGARET

1.

3 years ago

:love: & :kiss: 's

by PATTIXOXO

PATTIXOXO