Monday, Apr 2 2012
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Saturday night I had anxiety dreams, and last night I woke up at 1am and just had depressing thoughts until 3am. I wonder what is doing on.
My anxiety dreams almost always are about whatever it is that I"m anxious about, or whatever would be the 'worst' thing that could happen. I'm a born pessimist if there ever was one. I dreamed (isn't it 'dreamt'? Why is that giving me an error?) that Steve and I were fighting. I dreamed that I did horrible in law school. I dreamed something awful about Will and Ellen.
The depressing thoughts last night were just pointless imagine-ings about how much I'd rather have the type of community and local social life that I imagine a particular one of my friends has. I really am bummed about this. I don't feel like I have a community for my children or me. No neighborhood young families, church is too far away to do anything except on Sunday, and since S has really NO interest in this type of thing, nothing much has come of the kids in their schools. It means that if something is to be created, I have to create it. And that just makes me feel sorry for myself. But I think its important.
I'm also just in a weird place with my feelings about S. I'm feeling pretty resentful about some things. And he is just in a funk of several weeks' duration. I told him the other day that I felt like we were ships passing the in the night. We don't DO much together aside from watching some TV. Weekends are getting better with family outings, so I am glad for that. I'm feeling un-connected to him.