Friday, Jun 1 2012
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Day 5. 11.4% of time served.
I'm down 0.2 lbs - nothing to sneeze at for me. So far, I like weighing every day - its is adding a bit of accountability in the back of my mind. I'm not a weight fluctuator - in fact, I know from history that I can remain at the EXACT same weight (down the 1/10th of a lb) for weeks and weeks on end. This means that what I see on the scale is almost always 'real'. I need to remember that this can help me during maintenance instead of just feeling like a curse during the losing phase.
I had a few lipid panel tests recently, and so have been thinking about them. Everything is decent ranges except for my HDL, which is genetically low (my mother is very healthy otherwise and also has low HDL.) I have added flaxseed to my morning oatmeal pancakes, which may not do much, but I'm willing to try. I believe, from my father's experience, that my LDL will come down even more if I can get and keep my weight closer to 130 than I have for awhile.
I need to have a difficult conversation with S. I'm not looking forward to it, but I've been mulling it over for long enough now. The reason I'm dreading it is because it will take us into territory we've been able (and fortunate) to avoid until now. I think I can do it in a way that doesn't hurt our relationship, but even if it does, it needs to be said. I will open myself up to criticism by doing so, but I can handle it. I think. It has to do with Will.
I sat behind him at baseball practice last night, and just watched him for a few hours. He makes my heart ache with love and protectiveness. He is just in his own world much of the time, and I think he is perfectly happy there. At least I hope so. He interacts with the other boys, just not very much. He is SUCH an innocent in comparison, and so I think he could be a follower (and not in a good way). I think at heart he is a loner. And that is fine, as long as he is happy and as long as his self esteem is strong. I would dearly love for him to have at least one good friend, though. I was a loner sometimes during childhood, so I want him SO BADLY to have a rock of solid self confidence/self esteem inside to help him weather those periods. I think and pray and hope that he is just savvy enough to avoid too much teasing or god forbid, bullying, but I do worry about it. My gut says that finding an activity that he is both good at and enjoys would be great for his self confidence. Frankly, we haven't found what that might be - and he's only 6 so its not like we've run out of options. He is okay at baseball and soccer. He was okay at gymnastics. He likes to swim. Not much interest in music. Maybe martial arts? I think he'd really like snowboarding, although we haven't tried it with him yet. I also worry that since I'll be in school on the weekends I won't be able to explore these things with him. Okay, I can tell I'm starting to run a mental hamster wheel, so I am going to stop for now.