Wednesday, Aug 1 2012
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
This won't make much sense, since I don't have time right now to explain it. I will try later.
I have to remember to slow down and visualize the orange rind all around me - protective and containing, yet not entirely rigid. It can blunt anything trying to come in, and anything trying to get out.
I recognize that I'm back in the very insecure frame of mind which is direct result of my work situation. As scary as that is to me - and it is SO F*CKING scary to me because all I can think of is my last job - it is not my last job. I need to slow down, hunker down, try to keep my anxiety and frustration and fear from spreading too far or inappropriately. I'm not proud of some of the b*tching I've done and to whom. I don't know if my new boss is a bad person (as far as it concerns me) or not. I really don't (I know others that say she has been less than admirable to/with other women which if true is very scary because that's a mindset that nearly killed me in my last job), but I do know that I can't be my unguarded self around her. Which sucks. But isn't all that uncommon. And doesn't need to spell doom. If I can just hunker down, get through as much law school as I can until either a) I can't take my direct reporting relationship anymore and need to look elsewhere or b) she moves on of her own volition. Just don't, don't, don't eff it up before then, Lynn. Hold on, hold out. Slow down. Orange rind. She isn't likely to share the limelight or corporate exposure, which is a bummer, but a) is her prerogative and b) isn't necessary personally against me. I can use that quiet time to let my self-confidence grow.
By the way - I miss you all and wish that life was less crazy. I read blogs and think about you and your lives/loves.
I start law school on Saturday.