I must be the biggest dumb ass on the planet...I just realized that for the last 3 months my whole diary and my blogs were set on private. Which was TOTALLY NOT my intention. I'm such a derp. I think I fixed it. Oy Vey.
That being said........
I was just looking at my old blog from two years ago:
I just made it to Silver Level 6 and ran across an old post from one of the activities. It made me realize the importance of this journey and what it means and why I'm doing this. It made me realize what I have at stake if I quit again.....
It's so sad to see how positive, motivated and committed I was and then I quit. This scares me very badly because if this happened before, will I let it happen again? I started that year at 250 pounds and before I quit, when I was doing SO well, I had gotten down to 188 pounds.......I lost my motivation, my desire to excel and to try, I gained back some weight and then.....I just quit. Stopped cold. So. Stupid.
The only thing I can do is not to do this again.
So I have this song on my MP3 called "All Fired Up" it's an old-ish Pat Benatar song. It inspires me, motivates me:
Livin' with my eyes closed, goin' day to day
I never knew the difference, I never cared either way
Lookin' for a reason, searchin' for a sign
Reachin' out with both hands, I gotta feel the kick inside.
Ain't nobody livin', in a perfect world
Everybody's out there, cryin' to be heard
Now I got a new fire, burnin' in my heart
Lightin' up the darkness, movin' like a meteorite
Now I believe there comes a time
When everything just falls in line
We live an' learn from our mistakes
The deepest cuts are healed by faith
I DO NOT want to come back this way. I NEVER want to see these scale numbers again.
I want to be strong.
I don't want to be dead inside because I feel dead on the outside.
Ok so I've been logging all my exercise in my activity planner because I don't want it to mess up my calorie count....but I will post it here for inquiring minds to see.
30 minutes on weight machines
45 minutes elliptical (670 calories)
45 minutes treadmill (430 calories)
I wonder what the calorie count is for weight machines?