WILLLOSEIT's CalorieKing blog

Sunday, Jul 22 2007 - a lesson well learned, i hope

View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day

i was alone
my shoulder hurt
my ankle hurt
i panicked
thinking of all i had to do
and so i ate
almost everything in sight
i fell
i failed
i failed myself

i was tired
it had been a long day
i didn't feel well
despite the beautiful sun
the nap
didn't help
neither did the second one
and so i ate
almost everything in sight
i fell
i failed
i failed myself

i thought
i would work-out
at some point
but i didn't
my body ached
and i had other
things to do
no excuse
it's just how
the day turned out
my resistance
so weak
so i ate
almost everything in sight
i fell
i failed
i failed myself

it was so easy
to fall back to
a pattern
so near
but not dear
to my heart
the trigger
was boredom
it was the physical pain
and feeling like
perhaps i won't
feel better soon
and then i won't
be able to continue
on my journey
so i ate
almost everything in sight
i fell
i failed
i failed myself


irriational, at best
damaging,
for the moment
and when i opened
the snack drawer
filled with snacks
lots of small snacks
it was so easy
to eat
and eat some more
one thing and
another 12 after that
and then
i just stopped
time was up
put down the fork
and turn in the wrappers
it's time to let it go
and so i did
i stopped eating
my stomach aching
the rampage over
i simply went to bed


so this morning
i reflect
on a night
i won't soon forget
but do regret
i can't change it
i can't erase the calories
well i could,
but then i would be cheating
myself, mostly
and i just
don't want to do that
because now this day
will remind me always
how easy it is to fall
but more importantly
how easy it is
to pick myself up
yes, and dust myself off
and move on
and that's exactly
what i will do.


there was a time i couldn't recover
from a night like this.
this time, i think i am ok.






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Comments

19 comments so far.

19.

7 years ago

:hi: Grace,
Thanks for the note on my blog. Yes, Bunny is my mommy! :) She is very sweet (:hi: Mom!!). Except for when she gets on my nerves. (HA! Just kidding!)
Coincidence of coincidences, mom was just speaking of you yesterday on our way home from the beach. She mentioned your beautiful poems! She said, "Her name is 'Willloseit', and then there was your comment on my blog!"
I've had a lot of ups and downs on my w/l journey. Pushing through the down times can be very difficult. Constintely reminding myself that my value is not correlated with what the scale says helped. Plus I have a very sweet husband who loves me whether I'm 9 months pregnant and the size of a mini van , or where I am now.

by GIJANE

GIJANE

18.

7 years ago

:hi: Grace,
Thanks for the note on my blog. Yes, Bunny is my mommy! :) She is very sweet (:hi: Mom!!). Except for when she gets on my nerves. (HA! Just kidding!)
Coincidence of coincidences, mom was just speaking of you yesterday on our way home from the beach. She mentioned your beautiful poems! She said, "Her name is 'Willloseit', and then there was your comment on my blog!"
I've had a lot of ups and downs on my w/l journey. Pushing through the down times can be very difficult. Constintely reminding myself that my value is not correlated with what the scale says helped. Plus I have a very sweet husband who loves me whether I'm 9 months pregnant and the size of a mini van , or where I am now.

by GIJANE

GIJANE

17.

7 years ago

Grace we all binge once in a while you are only human right??--this is a new day...hope it's a good one for you :)

by TEXSKH05

TEXSKH05

16.

7 years ago

Life is not perfect and neither are we. It's when we fall downa nd get up that we learn the most about ourselves. You (& I) can and will continue our journey together. Hang in there and good luck. Sue

by MEDIASUE

MEDIASUE

15.

7 years ago

too weird....I had your Saturday on Sunday. I was much nicer to you than I was to myself. Here's to a good Monday for both of us!

by DIMPLEGRIN1

DIMPLEGRIN1

14.

7 years ago

I agree with Trishie. My favorite quote is that the one thing successful people have in common is failure. Thank you for so beautifully desciribing what is, for all of us, a very ugly time that we'd rather hide than share. Thanks, Grace, also, for the comments on my blog. :kiss: :love:

by BUN201

BUN201

13.

7 years ago

:hi: Grace~ You know, my wise friend, that this journey cannot be smooth. If it were smooth, what kind of journey would it be?! So, the well-worn traveler of success sure knows the secret you devled into today--it isn't that you fell that matters, it is that you get back up! Congrats on learning such a grand lesson :clap::clap::clap:! You are doing amazing things for yourself and we are ALL behind you :thumbu2:!!! Love ya, Kristen :heart2:

by KRITTI

12.

7 years ago

Wow. :y:

by ZUMBALOVE

ZUMBALOVE

11.

7 years ago

I agree with everyone else. You didn't fail you just faltered a bit. We all have days like that every now and then. But you are winning the battle again already by getting up and dusting yourself off. I sure hope you have a wonderful, quiet, relaxing Sunday.

by JUSTPATTI

JUSTPATTI

10.

7 years ago

Hi Grace,
Hope you're feeling better today. :)

by GWENDOLYN

9.

7 years ago

Good , Girl! You analyzed it and got on track! No one is perfect! This binge was short and not so sweet, but ended where it may have gone on for ...??? Next time you are going to be home alone, plan for that lonely boring time. Maybe it is time to go out alone or with a friend and distract yourself. It is definitely time to throw all those treats in that draw away. Throw away all the garbage and just have the clean healthy food available. No one ever hurt themselves or cried about binging on vegetables and fruit! Ralph can do what Marty does, get that sweet outside the house and not bring it home. We are all food addicts and you wouldn't keep a cigarette or heroine in reach of an addict. How unkind would that be? Every hour is a new hour and a new start. Today, we begin again! Remember to smile!

by SHARMON

SHARMON

8.

7 years ago

you didn't fail, you faltered. Big difference!!

Why not gather up all those temptations and flush them?

Have a good Sunday!!:)

by PAINTGIRL56265

PAINTGIRL56265

7.

7 years ago

No guilt here! You are the same person , strong and will succeed. The next time this happens, if it does, plan for it. You now know that if you are alone and in pain you use food as a medicine. Take out a certain amount of goodies? Put it in your log. If you don't eat them better yet. If you do eat them, sit and enjoy each one. Concentrate on the eating and tasting process.

You are hero material.

We are all with you.

Rona

by RSW

RSW

6.

7 years ago

You identified triggers and you were honest with yourself. You fell (we all do) you did not fail and you are already on the road to recovery. Have a relaxing, quilt-free Sunday.

by LUCKYDUCK2

LUCKYDUCK2

5.

7 years ago

You're already on the mend! The first step is being honest with yourself :) Have a great day!

by MYCIE

MYCIE

4.

7 years ago

Come on Sweet Grace....pick yourself up...we are right here with you. You just fell but have not failed. You will be back in it today. Lord knows we have all been there and it could have been any one of us yesterday. When I am tired, I get so weak and vulnerable to food. Get some rest and have a good Sunday. :kiss:

by DIMPLEGRIN1

DIMPLEGRIN1

3.

7 years ago

We only failure when we don't reflect and learn from our mistakes, I think. There's a quote I really like: "A winner is a loser who was willing to fail and get up, fail and get up, fail and get up, fail and get up and win." :y:

by LOSEWEIGHTIN10

2.

7 years ago

Wow. A lesson not only well-learned, but beautiful shared, that the rest of us might learn as well. Best to you today ...

by REV

REV

1.

7 years ago

:wave1: Please do not :bang: over a binge....Just log it and move on...You might be surprised to find that it did not hurt you at all...Just drink some extra water today and relax...every thing is going to be ok...Have a very blessed Sunday..:)

by BIGGRAMMA

BIGGRAMMA