WILLLOSEIT's CalorieKing blog

Friday, Sep 28 2007 - life is complicated even when it is simple

View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day

there are
so many
good things in the world
why do i focus
on the bad?
there are
so many
reasons for happiness
why am i feeling
so sad?

i am not in control
of everything
these days
my life complicated
by the simplest
of things
i don't feel confident
the way i should
the way i used to
when i woke up
every day
and there was reason
and potential
along the way


blah
blahs
that's what i hear
when people speak
and tell me
about their lives
i can't hear any more
or maybe
i just can't listen
anymore
because i am
blah
with my blues
so blue
all i see is black

sharp
crisp
intellectually
i know
this will pass
intuitively
i know i am strong
emotionally
i am capable
of recovery
from the lowest
of lows
because i have
been there before
and survived
surprise
it wasn't
as bad as i thought

alone
lonely
different
but the same
sometimes
when you
are by yourself
and hear only the
echos of your thoughts
over and over
the words
move on
get passed this
don't worry
drowned by
maybe not this time
leave me be
i need to worry
and i will

negative
i am positely sure
nothing good
will happen today
but tomorrow,
yes tomorrow
will be different
because
this mood
is not healthy
this grey
is not the color
i like to wear
this fear
is not the way
i want to live
my life
no
i really don't
like it any more

life is simple
simply complicated
when we are
not sure
where we are going
and can't see
the fork in the road
or the light
at the end of the tunnel
i am afraid to walk through
because darkness
awaits me
and i hate that
more than
i hate ignorance
that's a
whole lot of hate
to carry


so then
you don't do anything
at least
that's what i do
when i feel
paralized
by decisions
i don't want to make
and burdened
by too much thinking
too many choices
too little time
to get it right
once and for all

my good days
are behind me
at least
a lot of them
but i know there
are others
in my future
halcyon days
of bliss
and serenity
where
my complicated thoughts
are simple again
and the clouds
only bring shade
welcome relief
not another storm

but for today
i sit
and contemplate
my next move
and wonder
when happiness
will return
to my usual
extraordinary life
and accept
that today
is not that day
and it's
not the worse that
could happen
it just is
and i am ok
despite
the tears
and i will smile
again


darkness usually brings light
but sometimes you have to change the bulb
i am not ready to do that today...

peace...


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Comments

9 comments so far.

9.

6 years ago

:hi: I'm sorry to see you are feeling so sad. I wish there was something I could do or say that would help. All I know for sure is that you always brighten my days. You are a truly special Lady that knows how to touch a lot of people simply by being you. Hang in there my friend, I promise it will get better. :love: Patti

by JUSTPATTI

JUSTPATTI

8.

6 years ago

all is temporary dear friend.....you will find a good job...you WILL get off this plateau.....you will feel good again. You just have so many stresses right now and our souls can only handle so much before they must weep. Your a sensitive and caring person Grace.

by LUCKYDUCK2

LUCKYDUCK2

7.

6 years ago

Ah, Grace - I'm sorry you're so blue...I wish I could reflect some of the brightness you bring to all of us right back to you. :love:

by FERFER

FERFER

6.

6 years ago

Change is very hard....that darn fork in the road! ~~~~ We only think that we are in control of things. The Light always overcomes the darkness, no matter how dark it is. :kiss:

by BUN201

BUN201

5.

6 years ago

Sorry you are blue but it will get better. But if you want to sit in the dark for a bit that is okay too. Take care.

by PEANUT

PEANUT

4.

6 years ago

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so sad. But I know that you will be ok. You have to feel this and express it so that you will experience the joy again. You will not stay here forever. Be kind to yourself my friend. :love:

by DIMPLEGRIN1

DIMPLEGRIN1

3.

6 years ago

Grace :) It's so nice to see you. I am so sorry that you're feeling blue. I just read your previous entry this week and I want to tell you I completely understand how you feel. 1) Men often don't get matters that are emotional in nature - how many times have I cried like that to my fiance & I get the 'deer in the headlights' stare? LOL. Men just want to "fix" you. If they can't fix you, they truly don't know what to do or what their role is. It's ok. They just love you and want to help. Empathy is sometimes better sought from your girlfriends :) 2) I understand your money anxiety. We have many friends who appear to be a lot better off financially than we are & it is very hard to watch them (seemingly) skip through life so effortlessly. One thing I like to do a few times a year to remind me of my own fortune is to volunteer to work with the homeless. After spending a day talking with folks that sleep under a bridge, your entire sense of worth and humility is completely shifted. You really are more fortunate than you think. If you're interested, see if you can volunteer at a soup kitchen during the holidays or help out at a shelter every now & then. Trust me, it will soothe you and humble you in a way like no other. You are in my thoughts and prayers :)
- Leslie

by LESLIEC

LESLIEC

2.

6 years ago

:wave1: Yes you will smile again...I hope it is today....I hope that writing this all down helps you...I hate to see you so sad..You are such a special lady and you have so much talent...Please try to be happy today...:)

by BIGGRAMMA

BIGGRAMMA

1.

6 years ago

Thinking of you Grace--- hope this turns out to be a good day for you!:)

by TEXSKH05

TEXSKH05