Saturday, May 17 2008 - I think I am back
View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day
It's been too long. I have started a fitness program with my chiropractor and I am working my way back to CK. I miss my blog, I need the food diary and I miss all of you. I know I selfishly pulled away from CK. I did what you are not supposed to do when you are feeling like a failure and thinking that your goals are way beyond reach. I retreated to a place where feeling sorry for yourself can only lead to the one comfort we think we can depend upon; food.
And so here I am, almost back to square one. I have gained all but 10 pounds of what I lost last year. I know I have no one to blame but myself. I did this alone. I let every outside distraction, set back and family situation become my excuse for not continuing on my weight loss journey. I learned the hard way that gaining weight only compounded my sadness and the helpless feelings I began to feel almost every single day. Since I have been a heavy (obese) person almost my entire life, I would have thought this lesson would have been learned a very long time ago. I didn't; I should have; but damn, I don't want to let it happen again.
I have been at this crossroad dozens of time. I have yo-yo dieted and made promises and vows for success over and over again. I thought I had it licked last year. This weight and the place I am now is not where I hoped to be in May, 2008. But it is and now I have to deal with it.
That's why I am back to this wonderful place. I am going to dig deep to find the inspiration again. And maybe move my needle back to full of hope and determination again. I can only try, right?
Ralph is so supportive. He wants me to get healthy almost as much as I want to get there. We worry about not having a long future together. He doesn't nag, he just lets me be. And is there for a hug when I need one. I don't know where I would be without him.
I will spend sometime catching up with everyone and drinking up all your combined energies, journeys and stories. I can't wait to feel a part of this again. Thank goodness my membership is paid through 2011. It's gonna tame that long! Ah, a glimmer of the old Grace is peaking through. Take care....