Monday, May 19 2008 - Easier said than done
View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day
Back on target; not quite. Measuring and logging consistently: not yet. Working out everyday; not even close. Wanting the brass ring; absolutely,
Well that about sums up where my head, heart and actions are right now. I treasure the idea of being thinner. It's something I have dreamed about my whole life. Honestly, I can't remember a time where I was satisfied with the way I looked. Even at my thinnest, I was so unsure of myself. Poor self-esteem and a sad body image combined to make it impossible to actually believe that I looked good.
The wisdom of the years allows me to look back and see now what I couldn't see then. I know I looked healthy and beautiful when I was a size 12. I know that was a reasonable size for my body and type. I know that anything smaller than that is not a goal I should have had then and absolutely know I won't strive for now. You see on paper I have all the answers. I know exactly what is right for me. But those very same years have added so many pounds, decreased my ability to lose weight at a reasonable pace and played such havoc with my confidence that I have come to doubt that success in weight loss will ever be mine. But I still want it more than anything else in the world.
And there is my quandary. But I won't give up. I may not be confident, but that doesn't mean I am not determined. So I will keep trying and keep coming back. It's all I can do.
Thanks to everyone for the welcome back. I missed you all. I am enjoying my blogging again so thanks for the feedback. I'll be around.....