Thursday, Apr 30 2009 - the elusive butterfly
View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day
It seems I am better at blogging than losing weight. I joined CK 2 years ago and basically I am still the same weight. Some of my life has changed, some of the people in my life have changed and my weight has fluctuated a couple of times, but still here I am back at the starting line.
But l love to write and share my musings on life; from the little nuances that shade my days to the grander questions that complicate my mind on any given day. I guess the grandest of all questions for me is the "Why can't I ever seem to get to that "healthy"weight I have been trying to get to my entire life; The elusive "perfect" number that has changed dozens of times? I am sure most of you ask this very same question every single day. I don't think there is an answer to this question, but rather an acceptance that we have to keep trying and perhaps when we get there, we'll know. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I stopped writing for awhile. I allowed myself to wallow in a bit of self pity mixed in with a lot of regrets and a couple of towels thrown in for good measure. I kept my feelings to myself and ate my way through family arguments, sibling issues (still at this age), my parents dependence and finally my mom's recent illness and eventual death. I didn't read a book, write a word, look for a job and hardly enjoyed life for a year or so. I allowed the circle of life to upset and crush me when I should have embraced, mourned and accepted the sadness as life's natural course and move on. I can see so clearly when I look in the rear view mirror.
And so here I am again; feeling stronger and ready to put one foot in front of the other and move. I just hope this time I can make it to the finish line.