WILLLOSEIT's CalorieKing blog

Monday, May 4 2009 - the weight or the wait?

View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day

i hate being overweight
more than anything,
absolutely anything,
in this world.
more than ignorance
intolerance,
bigotry,
and hate.

yes,
i hate to hate.
but my weight
forces me to hate
something so much;
my weight
and all that it does
to control my life.
i don't let it
it just does.
and so i hate.

i hate
to wait
for just about anything.
patience,
was never a virtue of mine.
and so the wait
to lose weight
consumes me
as i wonder why
my entire life
has been one
long journey
to lose weight
and i am no closer than
i was
when i started.
i am still
waiting.

it's a conversation
with myself
that can't seem to end.
what takes so long?
why can't i lose?
why me and not,
well
just why me?

i can't believe
after all these years
i am still talking
about the same thing!
the same thing!
the weight
and the wait
to lose.
i should know
by now
how to succeed.
i should know
by now
every trick in the book
i should be
by now
healthy and fit
i should be
by now
satisfied.
but i am not.
and so i wait
to lose weight.

which is worse,
i wonder.
the weight
and the ravages
it does to my body?
or the wait
and the pressure
it puts on my soul?
neither have
anything good
to say about the other.
but together,
we are frustration
and we are almost,
hopeless.

but almost,
thankfully
isn't good enough,
isn't strong enough
to make me give up;
at least most of the time.
to make me
wallow in self pity;
at least
not every day.

yes, there is
a tunnel
and there is a light
i just have to wait
(as much as i hate to)
and one day
i will see my way through.










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Comments

3 comments so far.

3.

5 years ago

So true, Grace. Being able to see the positive is so very important. I have turned my hatred for being fat into an understanding of WHY. There's (for me, anyway) a whole negatvie thought pattern that goes into continuing in non-weight loss. Turning those negative thoughts, questioning them even - has been a milestone for me. Not every thought that comes into our heads is true. That was a revelation for me. In a book I read by Dr. Daniel Amen, called "The Magnificent Brain at Any Age" he calls these automatic negative thoughts ANTS. We need to speak TRUTH to ourselves. Telling myself that I don't care, that I can't do this, that I'll never reach my goal, and other things, is not true. The other thing is I've been participating in a thread that is a monthly weight loss challenge and the people on there are awesome. They don't just post their weight and what they're doing right (or wrong) and go on their merrry way. We interact with each other (and not in a stupid way like another thread I got involved in!) to help each other get to our goals. That's the other missing link - having accountability. :love::kiss:

by BUN201

BUN201

2.

5 years ago

Right on Grace, you have put my thoughts down on paper once again. But we can wait together and keep each other company. Let's do something about it. Did you get out and walk today? We have to get moving, so come on let's go!!:heart1::wave1:

by TREE

TREE

1.

5 years ago

:hi: Oh how true that is. The wait to lose weight seems to take for ever. I'm so glad you are back here. I missed reading your insightful words. Hope you had a great day. :)

by JUSTPATTI

JUSTPATTI