WILLLOSEIT's CalorieKing blog

Sunday, May 10 2009 - A day without a mom

View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day

this is my first mother's day
without a mom.
it feels more awkward than sad,
but still it is sad.

since i am not a mom,
i have nothing to celebrate today.
i didn't have anyone to buy a card for
or send flowers to.
i didn't have anyone to call
without bursting into tears
because they would know
exactly how i felt,
and i didn't want to make anyone sad today
especially the moms i know.

the sun is shining and it is a glorious day
on paper
because i am not shining
at least right now
as i think about facing the day
without a mom

5 friends of mine
lost their moms this past year too.
we belong to a club
the motherless club
and you can't imagine it
until you join, not by choice
but by fate
and the gods.
and it doesn't feel good
no matter how you feel,
how you felt about your mom
especially today.

i loved my mom
but didn't like her,
i think everyone feels that way
at least
every now and then,
just some of us
more than others.
in the end
during the roughest days
and months and years
i only felt the love,
shared the love
and remembered the love
of a good and kind woman.

that's what i keep with me these days.

so today i will wrap myself
in those feelings
and feel the warmth
of those memories
because somehow
the glorious sun
just isn't doing it for me.
no, not today.

i think of her smile
and hear her call my name
as she beckons me
to sit by her side
to comfort her
when she felt lonely
and scared
in the dementia
that clouded
her last years.

i feel the softness
of her gentle hands
as i lay by her side
to stroke away
the confusion
that kept sleep at bay.
i lulled her to rest
with fearless words
and drops of tears
that i didn't want her to see.

i think of her innocence
as the conversations
passed her by
and the laughter
sailed over her head
but still she giggled
and i loved her
even more

i think of the sacrifices
for her family,
the children she loved
without question;
and the dedication to us;
to her own detriment
most would say.
i witnessed a saint,
perhaps not always
with a halo,
and definitely
not without flaws.
but a saint,

and i am happy to have known her
and happy to have had her light shone upon me
and happy she is in that place
where pain can not find her anymore
but no matter
how i try
i am sad
and awkward
and welled with tears
on this day;
this mother's day
still a day without a mom.

Angela Renna
1/23/23 - 1/28/09

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4 comments so far.


9 years ago

Very beautifully put! I hope your words and writing them down helped you feel better. Sue




9 years ago

This is just beautiful Grace:kiss:




9 years ago

:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:




9 years ago

:hi: This is absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I know the pain you are going through, even though this marks my 6th Mother's day without my Mom, it's still very hard to get through the day.