WILLLOSEIT's CalorieKing blog

Tuesday, Jun 22 2010 - one thousand pieces of me

View WILLLOSEIT's food & exercise for this day

trying to be
everything
for everyone
does not help make
a healthy me

my parents home
my childhood home
destroyed by fire
altering the course
of grace and ralph
and dad
forcing choices
to be made
when we weren't ready
to make them
and the stress
oh the stress
decisions, questions
sadness
all at once
pushing the laughter
pushing grace
to the back burner
way too long

the closing on the house
maybe this week
the garage is empty
finally after weeks of
labor
and tears
sorting through
charred memories
of a childhood home
the rest of the house
sits empty
waiting for someone new
a family
to fill it with love
once again
and we can leave
this tragedy behind

our house
always needs
something
a new railing
floors sanded
tiles in the kitchen
doors on the garage
finally, a patio
and the contractor
he takes forever
and a day
just to call me back
i want to scream
not such a tragedy
but consuming me
all the time

dad
his home
is our home now
it's fine
we love him
but it is trying at times
never being alone
in a small house
with 4 adults
dad comes with
a caretaker
you see
so privacy
gone completely
honestly
some days
i want to scream
again

the condo
in nc
we spruced it up
this year
but it's not done
waiting for phone calls
the painter
the ceiling fans
the new closet
must be done
now
please
so it is one less thing
pulling at grace
making her crazy
because i don't want
to think about anything
but grace
right now

stevie
he died
last month
a life doomed
from the start
but we made it work
for him
and dear lenny
10 years gone now
two babies
until their passing
long after
their births
brothers, but not the usual kind
always needing
always deserving
of more attention
and sunglasses
and magazines
and hamburgers
than i could give
but, still i tried

and cried
when i saw him
in his chair
with wheels
and his words
garbled
and his thoughts
trapped in a mind
that never got things right
and it always seemed so wrong
not to be there
more than i was
but still, i tried

no more pain
for stevie now
he is free
of this life's struggle
somewhere happy
with lenny
and mom
and all is right
in heaven, for now
and
i am free
to not worry
about a brother
who needed me
perhaps more
than anyone else,
even me

and so at times
i failed
everyone
even me
because
i don't have
one thousand pieces
of me
and the puzzle
is still in the box

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Comments

3 comments so far.

3.

4 years ago

Your poem made me cry. You can't be all things to all people. You're only your best when you take care of you, do the things you need to do to keep yourself happy, healthy mind body and soul.
I'm so glad to see you back. :love:

by BUN201

BUN201

2.

4 years ago

:wave1: Grace. I just was catching up on your return. The past year has thrown some pretty tough situations on you. :sad3:
Good for you for taking control of your health. :thumbu2:

by PATTIXOXO

PATTIXOXO

1.

4 years ago

Grace you are one awesome lady. This made me cry:'( I do hope things improve for you:heart2: Hang in there girl!!

by TEXSKH05

TEXSKH05