WILLLOSEIT's CalorieKing blog

Friday, Oct 22 2010 - The Saboteur

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There are times,
I feel so strong
I can't believe it is me,
Resisting the temptations
Of morsels
Big and small.
Verboten.
The fruit
I can not eat.
But I hold on.
And I am in awe
Of the person I am
At that moment.
Still, no victory for
The Saboteur

There are times,
When I am vulnerable,
Unable to keep
The demons at bay;
Incapable of choices
I know
I need to make.
Irresistible
To the siren's call
Beckoning me
With idiot's delight.
The Saboteur
Standing by my side

There are times
When I am steadfast;
To the cause,
To my goals,
Bolstered
By Determination
Oblivious
To the Failure Fears
And dubious strength.
With boundless energy,
I step forward
And stay focused
Because I can do it
Is all that I believe.
Still, The Saboteur
is silent within.

There are times,
When surrounded
By others
Who don't
Think of me
And the energy it takes
To keep doing
What I do
To get healthy.
Bringing gifts
of sugar
and spice,
Smiling
Because they know
They are wrong.
Perhaps secretly
Wishing I fail
Making me think
I am in this alone.
The Saboteur
Is sleeping in my bed.



There are times,
When my thoughts
Are clear.
And I know
Exactly what choice
To make
And who controls
The decisions
That guarantee
Success
Or Failure
On any given day.
I can blame
All I want to
I can make excuses
Day after Day
And carry my weight
Like an albatross
I will never lose.
But then
With the wisdom
of trying
again and again
I finally face the truth
of all truths
The Saboteur
Is me.

Today, The Saboteur is not victorious.


I was angry when I wrote this. Earlier today, my husband stopped at a farm stand on his way home from golf and came home with a fresh blueberry pie and a box of apple cider donuts -- outrageously delicious this time of year. He knows I love those donuts. He knows I have a hard time resisting them. He knows how hard I am working to lose weight. He knew it was wrong to buy them commenting to his buddies that he was "going to be in trouble" when he got home. But still, he bought them. It's not that I am not already surrounded by a million temptations in the house. There are snacks galore and I don't deny anyone anything in the house most of the time. I work hard to resist the chocolate and donuts already tempting me every single day. And I have commented to my husband that his support is only there as long as he gets to eat what he wants to, whenever he wants to.

I felt so defeated when he walked in the door and I saw the bakery boxes. There I was busy making him my mom's Italian Meatloaf for dinner tonight-- delicious, decadent and something I can't eat. But I was making it for him, because I hadn't made it in a very long time. Now I am pretty sure I will eat something else for dinner because I am strong and determined to succeed. But of course now all I can think of are those damn donuts. So far, so good though. I will not let The Saboteur get to me today.

It would just be nice if my husband would think of me first every once in awhile. You see, I do it all the time..

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Comments

3 comments so far.

3.

4 years ago

Be strong gril you can do it!!:)

by TEXSKH05

TEXSKH05

2.

4 years ago

It would be nice if your husband was your Supporter not your Saboteur. But you can be determined enough to not give in to the extras he brings home. Hang in there and don't give up.

by MUSICALMARGARET

MUSICALMARGARET

1.

4 years ago

It is a hard thing when one person can eat those things and brings them into the house. I have asked Bob to move those treats above out of my reach and that seems to work. Good venting here and be kind to yourself and Ralph despite the fact that he wasn't thinking. :heart2:

by PEANUT

PEANUT