Still feeling a bit lost.
I wonder why this happens to me? I really thought this time around I had conquered the demons and I wasn't going to go off course so readily.
I am not giving up.
I am not going to be defeated.
I am still absolutely determined to succeed.
I just have to find my way back.
Maybe I need a 3 month "on" and 3 month "off" pattern. I get bored, I think and need a break from all the perfection. Because I am not perfect and can only do it for so long. If I can' lose 35 pounds, gain 5 (no more) and then lose another 35 -- That's 65 pounds gone. I can live with that.
How do I go "off" without going completely out of control?
I won't know until I try.
What I know to be true:
I am capable of great things.
I am a good person.
I am smart - a bit smarter than a lot of folks, not as smart as others.
I am kind. I lead with my heart every single time
I usually know right from wrong.
I lose confidence very easily.
I understand that money doesn't buy happiness. But it certainly brings security.
I have been heavy most of my life, but I don't think I am defined as just a heavy person.
I am funny. Laughter makes me feel alive.
I worked very hard for many years. I had a great career working my way up the corporate ladder without a college degree.
I love games. Board games. Competitive games.
I hate to lose, but not enough to get upset about it.
I am happy most of the time.
I am appropriately sad at times.
I am strong enough to make it through just about anything
My childhood wasn't the best, but it was far from the worst too.
I love to sing. I love music and theater and the stage.
I am impulsive. Sometimes I speak before thinking
I have some regrets, but not enough to be sad about my life choices.
I will get healthy. I know it. I feel it.
I am inpatient. I need to remind myself every day that it takes time to do anything right.
I will never be the best at anything. But that doesn't mean I am not great at many things.
I love to cook and bake -- perhaps too much.
I indulge myself too often.
I squandered a lot of money. I was single and well-employed and enjoyed life perhaps a bit too much. I know I should have saved more -- one of my "some regrets".
I have a good future.
I want a healthy future.
The keys are in my hands.