Joined early April but it took...........................

JOANIE157 - 5:49AM PDT, Apr 25th 2010

Joined early April but it took until today for me to really make a commitment not to be 100% but try for it - I gained 74 pounds back of the 122 pounds I lost back in 1990 to 1991!
I am 10 years older I have arthritis - sciatica - and had my right hip replaced due to an accident. And having this extra weight on me is killing me in every respect - especially my psyche (but the physical pain is right up there!). I am a stress eater and in truth I started to get a little sloppy about my food plan back in 1995 but I was able to keep my weight pretty much under control. After 911 it all went downhill - I lost 2 friends that day and I lived in a building where someone had a huge party that night - I say the towers fall - I could smell the stink of that devastation for weeks and the smoke rising from the rubble for weeks. I had to sleep at t relative’s house for a few days, the party going on in my apartment building through me over the edge that day.

For me the stress in my life just escalated from there - my father, mother-in-law and my husband and then my nephew all had different devastating illnesses and operations. My Dad passed away from Cancer - My Mother-In-Law died after being on dialysis after 4 years and developed cancer - My husband was on chemo drugs - hand a knee replacement that failed - had prostate cancer and a total prostatectomy - had his knee replacement revised (redone) and had to stop work this year for good. My nephew the love of my life had a psychotic break and is still a shell of what he once was. But with all that being said, it doesn't give me license to harm myself with overeating. I have beat the odds so far with obesity related diseases and that is remarkable considering my family’s history with HBP and diabetes. My Mother died as the result of diabetes when she was 56 years old - I will be 53 this year. My Mother's Father died at 42 related to his obesity and other bad habits and my Mothers Aunt died at 48 due to a stroke and it was related to obesity.

I know beating the odds so far has made me deceive myself in many ways - which I have all these things against me; stress, chronic pain, menopause yada yada yads. But this morning I know it's not beating the odds - it's Russian roulette! I sit around with ice packs for the pain - I use my tens machine - stretch - take pain medication and then I rationalize eating a pint of ice cream - or that hummus is healthy (which it is) but eating half a bag of "baked" tortilla chips kind of zeros out the healthy part.

Late yesterday afternoon I was out celebrating a relatives birthday and I had the dreaded diet mentality - tomorrow is my start date so I am going to go to hell with myself the rest of the day - even as I looked around the table at the restaurant and saw that all at our table was seriously overweight and who is taking what for HBP - Cholesterol - GERD, we feasted on the worst of the worst you could order for people with our weight and health problems.

On the way home I picked up a pint of ice cream - for the "last night"! and this morning I feel like hell (It almost feels like a bad hangover) I have a headache - I feel like I have no energy - I couldn't sleep because of the food I ate - sugars and fats!. My hip is killing me. This morning I am truly at my bottom. And the only way for me know is up. From yesterdays overdoing it I can't say that I am psyched - but I am hopeful! On Wednesday I added a year to my gym membership - I am going tomorrow morning. I am going to drink plenty of water today and committing to healthy food choices and to journaling. (I just started with Psychotherapy - I know that I need all the help I can get. I know how to be a caretaker - but know I have to really learn to take care of me!)
Joanie


FLORIDATREASURE - 7:47AM PDT, Apr 25th 2010 View users public blog

floridatreasure
florida

:rock1:
hi joanie!!
sounds like u have had a rough way to go!! God bless u sweetie!! u r tough as nails though & u r rite that u must take care of u!! as a 51 yr old woman with both hips replaced already i can understand ur pain with that!! weight plays such a big part in the pain in ur hips & its hard to get motivated to move when ur on pain meds i know that!!! my dr told me that it will also settle in ur muscles & makes us lethargic!! when i started to walk i could only walk for 5 min!!!! seriously at 51 i felt like i was 81!!! in just a month & a 1/2 i'm up to 30 min & i walk a mile in that time!! joanie at first it will b so hard to do any exercise with ur pain but if u really set ur mind & plan even a few minutes a day no matter how u feel that day & no matter what little u do it will start the process!! my boyfriend is much younger than i and it was embarrassing to have to say after 5 min that i had enuff but with patience on my part & continued effort i finally broke 10,000 steps yesterday!!! that is what my surgeon considers being an active adult!! maybe a pedometer would b motivating!! they're very inexpensive ($5) at wal mart!! i wear mine everyday!! some days are motivating & some days the total tells me that i need to move more!! lol!!! also i know if u r in alot of pain with ur hip the recumberant bike is good & they are fairly inexpensive at wal mart just under $200!! i know u sd u have a gym membership but on the days u can't make it to the gym!!! remember every little thing u do to help urself REALLY HELPS!!!! u have made it thru so much i know u can do this!!! u sound like an amazing lady!!!! resturants are tough at first so i hid from them now i don't have to so much & i do order things that i really like i just eat a small bit maybe 1/3 or 1/2 of what they bring & no bread & always a salad!!!! i mite have to skimp on some other meals that day but i don't have to tell myself no I just have to tell myself be reasonable!!! lol!!! i love sweets & use alot of my calories for low cal sweets which i need to fix but i'm within my target & that's a start!!! i have faith in u joannie!! u made it here!!! if u need to talk u can always drop me a line!!! best of luck to u & remember one bad choice doen't make all ur effort go away!!!! stay strong!!! peace 2 u & urz till nxt time!!!
nancey
:wave1:
hw-326
cksw-289
cw-277
goal-190


PATRUSS - 10:56AM PDT, Apr 27th 2010

Hi Joanie
I think that one of the most helpful things I get out of being part of a weight loss group is hearing stories that are so much like the ones I have always told myself. One of my favorites has always been that I have to eat what I should not because tomorrow I will be on a diet and never get to eat again.
I went on the all meat diet years ago (40 years ago) and constantly lusted after avocados. I got past it by promising myself that when I had lost the weight I would eat the avocado that I was not eating today. Well, somewhere there must be a big pile of avocados waiting for me.
What I like about counting calories is that you can actually have whatever you want (even avocados). You just have to have small portions of it. And I like to have my plate piled high with abundance and take big bites (I have a lot of clothes with food stains one them). I am learning, slowly, that I can survive and thrive on smaller portions (and lots of lettuce.)
I lost 60 pounds two years ago and have gained almost all of it back. But I am back on track again. I keep remembering that my back pain went away with the weight loss and I was able to climb stairs with ease. I liked that feeling.
I have finally found an exercise I can do and like. I go to water aerobics for an hour every day. I am 66 and there are people younger (like 45) and older in the pool and we can all work at our own pace because all you can see is the other persons head so you do not feel embarrassed if you are doing something wrong. Also it is good for hip and knee replacement people.
I stay away from a gym because I feel so out of place and fat. I have an old tread mill which I will use when my knees are in better shape again. I also have a recumbant bike that I like. I have started up again on that and with a tv in front of it, 30 minutes are not too terrible and I can start on the easiest level and it still counts as exercise. My 98 year old neighbor walks a mile every day and always says if you don't keep moving you won't be able to move.
So keep up the good fight and know that you are not alone. There are lots of us out here in the same boat with you and we want to be steering our boat and getting somewhere, not just floundering.
I send you lots of love and good wishes, Pat


NMENDICOTT - 11:57AM PDT, Apr 27th 2010

nmendicott
Columbus, Ohio

Hey Joanie! Congrats to taking the first step to being healthy again. You have already overcome a lot and now it is time to overcome what helped you overcome (the food!) I feel like this site will really help you with the support you need to change your life. Go check out the forums and the challenges. The people here have all been in your situation and we all achieve success and have our bad days together.

You can do this! Best of Luck!

Nicole
HW - 298
CW - 243
April challenge - 4/9Ibs lost
Green Check Challenge -20/30


FLORIDATREASURE - 10:07AM PDT, Apr 28th 2010 View users public blog

floridatreasure
florida

:rock1:
hi everyone,
hope u r all having a gr8 & healthy wk!! finally this wk i lost 5 lbs!!! whoo hoo!! was wondering when all this cutting bak as my dr asked wd catch up & make a more than 2 lb loss!!! i know i know patience!!! it's sooo tru that if u cut cal's tooo much it will stunt ur loss!!! my dr insisted that 2,000 was 2 many calories for me & when i went down to the 1200-1500 cals a day my wgt loss that wk was a lb & has been 2 consistantly since!! i knew with the walking & cal counting it wd eventually catch up & i wd have at least one good wk & here it is!!!!! still struggling to attain the 10,000 steps a day but am up a little btwn 6500-7500 avg daily!!! :bang: lol!!! i'll get there!!! hope u all had a good weigh in & r finding some time to move a little!!! it's so hard to get started but it's worth it in more than just the cal's burned, u gain strength, stamina & u just plain feel good about urself and all ur doing!!! keep up the hard work & all ur inspiration!!! u guys r the best!!!
nancey
:wave1:
hw-326
cksw-289
cw-272
gw-190

Last Edited: 10:08am PDT, April 28th 2010

ROLLSOFJOY - 10:24AM PDT, May 10th 2010

rollsofjoy
Indianapolis

You have been through a lot. I'm so amazed at your inner sterngth. I think you might inspire some of your family members to join you. I hope they do. Just becareful, my mentor gave me the advise that sometimes the ones closes to you will for some reason push back on your efforts. So I hope you find lots of support, and don't do this alone. But all the power to you. We all can do this. :wave1:

Very Truly Your's,
Rick


5-5-10. wt 325
Goal wt 202

Last Edited: 10:26am PDT, May 10th 2010

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