yes I really think this is too hard. For 4 weeks I thought this is a synch, I can do this, 4lb dropped off, wasn't too hard, 4 weeks later that 4 lbs has returned, I have exercised consistently diary completed and usuallly in the green, but no progress. Additionally, I thought I had overcome the loathing of my naked body, but hey no not so. Still the loathing, keeping it covered I don't want to see it and make sure I don't.
So I think the first thing I need to accomplish on this weight loss journey is to get over the self loathing. Because it maybe that is my reason for trying to lose weight. i.e. if I was slim I would like my body naked. In clothes, I am more than half way with approval rating, just depending what angle I catch myself in reflection. This sounds so shallow when people have real problems. I am a nurse and I know about people's real problems. However, I've said it then on one level I do love my health, my ability to work fulltime, and night duties and to still function giving to my family and friends and in particular my aging mum. But on anaother level I can't see past the outward bodily image of myself. This is stupid, as I write this, I am actually appalled that I am still stuck in this place.
Anyway, I have shared it and perhaps that may be the beginning to acceptance of this body, which works very well, its just a larger version than I want but at least I'm here, functioning, lovable and loving in return and also there for my friends and family and patients. Its astonishing that this is holding me up, so I am going to work on this imbalance for a few weeks and really try hard to work through some issues. I'm long enough in the tooth to be able to conquer this and really once I do I think then I will be in a better space to really take on more challenges.
Hoping others out there have some good advice, thanks for reading.