When it comes to food, then, it may seem that your inner Parent is the best part of you to make the decisions – after all, they’re the most likely to say “have a healthy snack, not an ice cream.” But is listening to your inner Parent really the best option?

Your inner Parent mimics the thinking and behaviors of your real parents and other parental figures who exerted (or exert) control in your life. When your inner Parent makes the decision, you may indeed walk away from the sundae, but you’re also likely to be left with the painful and unhelpful aftermath. The criticism and self-reprimands it usually takes from your inner Parent to get you to walk away can be damaging, particularly if your inner Parent is over-critical and negative. Listening to a voice that says you’re fat and unworthy is not a smart move for achieving your weight-control goals!

Walking away from the sundae without any reason other than your Parent “said so” isn’t foolproof either. Eventually your inner Child will rebel against the controlling Parent and start making childlike food decisions anyway.

If your real parents were over-indulgent, you'll probably have the opposite problem; your inner Parent will encourage you to overeat.

So if your inner Child can’t see past his or her immediate wants, and your inner Parent is either too demanding or too indulgent, what part of you can make a good food decision?

Enter your Adult. The Adult is the great "mediator and wise one". According to Berne, this aspect of self develops for the purpose of maintaining a check and balance between Parent and Child. Your Adult is not influenced by the past – not by what your parents or parental figures would have said, and not by what your childhood experiences were. Your Adult state responds to the here and now.

So, when your Parent is saying “you can’t have it” and your Child is saying “but I want it” your adult can mediate between those voices of the past and say something like:

“I can have it, that’s my choice, but think about it first. What do I really want? I feel like I want to eat ice cream now, but I also know that I want to control my weight and be healthy. Can I compromise? Can I do something other than give in or walk away defeated?”

Ultimately, listening to your inner Adult when it comes to food is about owning your own decisions. Your Parent is no longer making them for you, but neither is your Child left to indulge his or her every whim. Although it’s important to listen to your inner Child and your inner Parent sometimes, when it comes to making food decisions, your inner Adult is the one to get things in their proper perspective, think through the options, and have the final say.

So, having quieted your squabbling inner Parent and Child, let’s head back to the Haagen-Dazs scenario where you're waiting at the counter. What does you inner Adult have to say? Ah ha! She's just reminded you that you did go for an extra-long swim this morning, you have been walking around the mall for four hours, and you’re well within your calorie goals for the week. So, through your Adult eyes, you realize that you probably can have some ice cream for a treat – although a huge sundae will be overdoing it.

So what’s it going to be? The decision is all yours.