WILLLOSEIT's Story

Another update: In May, it will be 5 years since I originally joined CK in 2007. My goals haven't changed. I have floundered, but I am back with a hopeful vengeance. I want to succeed and know I can. One day at a time and one bite at a time I will move forward. I can't change where I have been, but I look back to know I don't want to be there again. I am Thomas the Tank and I think I can....hmmm...I know I can.

Update: Here it is 3 years since I joined Calorie King and I am basically right back where I started..Despite all my past turning points and low points, apparently there was another bottom waiting for me to reach. It's the bottom where I can barely climb the stairs anymore. The low point where I can't catch my breath taking a shower. The bottom that comes with a million excuses to use my dad's handicap parking pass to avoid a few extra steps. The pit where I wallow in self-loathing and cry into my container of ice cream. The absolute bottom where I finally see my bleak future in the doctor's eyes as he gazes at my lab reports and shakes his head -- I can't keep doing this to myself and expect to live another 30 years! He knows it. I know it. Hell the way I am feeling I fear I may not make it to 60!! So the bottom is here (again). I believe I really see it this time. I believe with all my heart that I will do it this time. I am more determined than ever to succeed. I am finally ready to get my life, my health, my body back together. I pray for the strength and courage to see this through.

Better late than never, I begin again. Wish me well as I do all of you.

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I reached a turning point in April, 2007 while vacationing in Charleston with 2 friends who happen to be sisters. Their mom is 77 years old and she did better walking around the city than I did. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I was exhausted all of the time and felt as if I was 82 instead of 52. I never thought I would see the day when I weighed over 300 pounds but I did. When I finally got the nerve to get back on the scale I was 305 pounds. I couldn't believe my eyes and it scared me to death. What should have scared me to death was emergency angioplasty last summer, but it didn't. It made me depressed and angry but not enough to actually put an effort into losing weight. In fact, I even gained some weight. Thankfully the wake-up call finally came while sweating my way through the streets of Charleston.

I will be 53 in August and happily married for 5 years. I had a long career in financial marketing until last June. I am currently unemployed by choice. I have delayed getting back in the game because of my constant weight gains. Confidence will come from fewer pounds which will enable my talents to shine through in a job interview. Otherwise I think all they will see is an obese woman.

I love theatre, music and movies. I am outgoing, fun loving and love to play practical jokes. Just ask my husband since he is often my victim! I want to love travel, golf, and walking on the beach but I canít. Once I lose weight and start thinking like a thinner person I will be able to enjoy what I canít enjoy now.

This blog is a stepping stone on a long road. I will keep it going for as long as I need to...for my closet's sake (so many clothes, so little that fit) as well as for my health and happiness. I am using the tools of CalorieKing to guide me and common sense to make my food choices. I'll try to blog with humor. Hopefully it will be therapy for me and entertaining (and maybe someday inspiring) to you all! I am sure there will be a lot of tricky curves to maneuver (isnít life about curve balls?) and uphill climbs along the way. I'll keep writing and hopefully someone will be reading, but if I only help myself it will still be worth it! Peace to all. :)