Sundays are usually pretty rough for me as of late. Lots of anxiety. Who knows where it comes from but I just get so worked up that I just cannot even go to church most weeks. I usually wind up wallowing on the couch just staring at the tv. I really have a hard time dealing with Sundays. I am not totally sure what it is that causes all of the anxiety but its there as soon as I wake up on Sunday and it gets progressivly worse the closer it gets to time to go to the church. I just end up shutting down. Thats my pattern. Some Sundays I do get out the bible and spend some time studying God;s wod and praying on my own. Today, Jason said I did not have a choice, I must go to church. He was not going to allow me to stay home. He got all of the kids ready and off the went to Sunday School. He said he would be sending some one to pick me up for the service. I was shaking so that I could hardle get dressed or put on my make up. I had to take Ativan and a valium to be able to even put one foot in front of the other. The good news is that I did it. I was dressed and ready when my father showed up to take me to church service. I sat in the back and was able to leave immediatly afterwords, thus skipping having to have run ins with so many people wanting to talk. I am prould that I made it through, even though it was quite drug induced. This fear is so irrational, I realise this, but I cannot seem to do anything at all to escape it. I am spending time in my prayer life praying about this. I know I just need to trust. God does have a plan for me. He will take care of me and one day he will let me know what this plan is. I just hope it is soon. All this anxiety is just awful. It just came on so suddenly and out of the blue for a reason I don't even understand. Oh well.......

I am proud that I made the step and actually went, drugged up as I was.
I am proud that I then went on with my day and went to the gym and took a Body Flow class to help calm me down and help me feel more calm.
I am prould that I was able to do week 2 of C25K without difficulty. I am really feeling like this goal is attainable.
I will work hard this week to meet all of my Goals
Goals for the week
Each day take care of me, ask the Lord to guide me
stay under calorie and watch nutrients
c25k run/walks this week
weights/body flow twice this week
kickboxing if possible