I was back to the gym for the first time in what seems forever!!! ( SINCE FRIDAY)
I went to Body Pump and Body Flow. I was so happy to be back. It felt so great to be working out, sweating, stretching. Then to get to end it all with the awsome relaxation time at the end of Body FLow. It got my name off to a great start. I am so tired now though. The viurs I had took a lot out of me these last few days. I am sitting here on the couch and I feel like I could go to sleep for the night now, and its only 3:30. Gotta love nap time. Kids in bed. Quiet in my house. I should be up doing a million chores. I am just TOO TIRED!!!

I got to use my new HRM today! I was so curious how many calories I would burn in these classes today.
I burned 465 in Body Pump and that was less than the CK program said that I burned in this class. I am still thrilled with that number!!!!
THe big suprise was BOdy FLow. I sweat the whole class, its tough! Ck doesn't have that catagory so I always just use yoga-185cal in 50 min. My HRM said that I burned 400 calories in this class today!!!! I couldn' t believe it!!!! It was really hot. We were all dripping sweat. So in those two classes I burned 865 calories today!!!! YEAH!! I was so thrilled. I am so excited that I got this HRM. NOw I can't wait to try it out in kickboxing. I think there is a possibility for burning a lot of calories there!

I am still very unsure about this whole eating back the exersize calories thing. How am I going to loose if I eat back all of these calories. My body is working so hard to hang on to weight. I think I am going to try and eat back half???? I don't know. I just don't know if I even could eat back all of them on days when I burn this many.

WORK or lack there of
So-had a phone visit with my psychiatrist yesterday. She is changing my medications yet again. The depression that I have been dealing with is just not going away. Some days are much better than others, the gym always helps my day be better, but over all I am really still struggling. So the new drug I am trying is Cymbalta. I am stopping the Strattera(it didn't do anything at all I don't think). I am going to keep taking the seroquil that I take at night for now. She said that if the Cymbalta works well then maybe I can go back to work in a couple of weeks. That was the best news I have heard in a while. I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO need to get back to work. This being out on disability is cruddy. The money is crappy and its been too long. We have made it through but we really need that money. Why couldn't I have a job where you just show up and it doesn't really matter if you are fully functional? I think I could have gone back months ago. I could put one foot in front of the other and pass meds. I could do paperwork. I may not be the best nurse in the world right now with the depression, but now that I am not dealing with the major anxiety anymore I think I would make do. My doctor I think is being overly cautious. I don't know. I guess if I were the patient I would only want a nurse who has it all together. It is a pretty vital job. You do need to be on your toes. THEre is a lot to watch for. If I could be guarenteed that everything would go as planned and no one would have problems we would be good. But that is not how life is. That is what a nurse is there for, for the problems, to catch them before they happen, to act fast. Fast is not a possibility on the days when i am really depressed. Hopefully this Cymbalta will really work and work fast. I am so darn tired of this medication changing and hoping this change will work and then it not working. I am just so ready to be back to normal life. I want me back. I don't understand what brought any of this on and I really just want it to go away!!!!!!!!!

God, I know you are in control. I am trusting you with my life. I ask that if it is your will this Cymbalta will work and I can get bakc to the hospital. If not, please help me to continue to seek your will. Please help me to understand, or if not understand to find peace in the unknown. I know that you have what is best for me in mind. Its so hard to not understand, but I am seeking to be at peace with the status quo.

erika