LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog

Thursday, Feb 19 2009

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I haven’t had to vent about work in a very long time, which is a testament to the lack of stress at my job right now. Unfortunately, where there is stress it is of the kind that I respond the least well to. When I am put in charge of an area that it seems to me another entity or person SHOULD be the expert on, I get very nervous. While I appreciate the general casualness of timelines in this industry, it speaks to a bit of unprofessionalism and entrepreneurial personalities (ie detail-phobics) run amok. The devil is in the details, and I’ve yet to meet a professional personality I admire (at any level of an organization) that doesn’t attune themselves to details, at least to some degree.

Its strange how much more fun vacations seems a few days out from your return. That first day home you wonder why you ever left. That said, I am worried about Will. I don’t have any way to gauge if his discomfort with being in a new environment is completely normal for his age and development, or if it is signaling a personality trait we need to help him manage/change. He had a hard time when we went to OKC as well. I definitely need to learn to manage my frustration with his disinterest in dressing himself. It feels excessive to me, the degree to which he is passive about being dressed. I think I just need to “force” him to do it himself by not doing it for him, and encourage Steve to do that as well. I think it plays into other areas, like potty training, and other skill acquisition. I know some kids just like having things done FOR them, but there needs to be a limit. Not that I’d point this out to Will, but Ellen does as well as Will with getting herself dressed. Steve’ family kept saying, Well, that’s a girl for you, but is that right? I don’t think so. There is no reason a boy shouldn’t be expected to dress himself. By 3.5 years old. At least for the mot part. OTOH, a parent needs to pick his/her battles.

My grandmother is in a nursing home, after a rapid deterioration in functioning, without any apparent medically-based cause. She was living basically independently, and then her blood pressure spiked for no reason (its been low her whole life), she became delirious, and had to be admitted. It is likely she won’t ever go “home” and will be in the nursing home for good now. I am contemplating going to see her in March, with my folks, to help them pack up and clean Grandma’s apartment, so it can be rented again. I can’t seriously contemplate bringing Will or Ellen – it would just be too hard on them, and on me. If I thought Grandma would KNOW that either one was there, I might consider it, but she probably wouldn’t since her short term memory is gone. Mom thinks she’ll remember/know me, but even that’s a gamble. She hasn’t met Ellen yet, and that makes me sad. However, its not like Ellen could crawl around in a nursing home, nor would she let me leave her with anyone (holy Mama’s-girl, E has become!) while I see Grandma. The above makes me think I’m trying to justify something, but in conclusion, I do think its best for me to go alone. Perhaps this summer I can contemplate getting one or both children there. Especially if Grandma shows any signs of improved memory.

Agh. Aging and dying are scary. To me. I know many people who profess not to be scared of death, and even to welcome it as an alternative to other things (long illness, prison, etc.). I can’t get past my dread of it.

My mother must feel devastated by this. I’m trying to imagine how I will feel when she is old. She and Dad seem to be planning very well for their later years, so I feel good that we will all have the benefit of their planning to help manage their illness and/or care, if and when it comes to that. But beyond the financial, the emotional toll must be significant on the adult child of an aging parent.

We have accepted an offer on our LaCrosse house – which we are SO thankful for. And only 4K under the asking pricing, which isn’t bad in the middle of winter in this market in a depressed town.

Apparently one of the investors on the mortgage of the Typo Lake house thinks it is worth about 30K more than we offered for it. This despite the fact that it hasn’t had one clean offer other than ours at steadily reduced price for well over 9 months. I don’t understand why a bird in the hand isn’t worth more than several nonexistent offers in the bush.

(Or something. Courtney – you know I try mangle these sayings just for you, right? Hide chapping, etc.)

This is my dullest entry EVER.

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7 comments so far.


9 years ago

I don't think it's dull! I'm sorry about your grandma! Of course it must be scary & sad for your mom, poor thing. Congrats on the LaCrosse house offer! I thought you had already bought the lake house? I bet Will will be dressing himself in 6 months, tops. At least some of the time.




9 years ago

Prayers for you and your family. :angel4:




9 years ago

Not a bit mangled, my love. 'Twas brilliantly creative. =D Much much love to you and your swirling brain of concerns and compassion. :kiss:

by REV



9 years ago

Sorry about your grandma. So far dementia hasn't reared it's head in my family. Delusional and dysfunctional but not yet demented. // When it comes down to it I don't really know anyone who isn't afraid of death. They may say they're not but then they're not facing it either. I know of terminally ill patients who stoically except the inevitable but I've never met anyone who would willingly choose death unless there was no other choice. In which case it's not a choice. :) // I don't know, I think a bird in the bush is better than two in the hand but I'll let Courtney correct me on that.

by JAY



9 years ago

So sorry about your grandma...




9 years ago

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma, Lynn. I have very similar thoughts/fears about death and dealing with my parents aging. They, too, have planned very well for retirement and beyond, but you are right in that it is the emotional part that will be the hardest, I'm sure. ~~ As for Will and his "inability" to dress himself, my almost 4 year old is the same way. She has no interest and despite my feelings of this being something that she "ought" to be doing, it's just easier for us to get out the door in the morning if we aren't fighting over clothes and who's going to put them on. The nice thing about this? My daughter still matches! =D Have you started a job chart with Will? Maya :love: her job chart and so far is satisfied with the simple reward of placing the magnet on the square the shows the job is done. We started with just one or two jobs that I knew she already enjoyed doing (like brushing her teeth) and gradually started adding the ones that she was less enthused about helping with (like setting the table at dinner time). It's really worked for us!




9 years ago

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. It's so tough :(. When my FIL passed away three years ago, I thought it was both wonderful and really tough to have my oldest daughter there (I was newly pregnant with my youngest). Of course, we had to travel from WI to PA, so we didn't have choice but to bring her along, but it was hard because she was not able to go to the hospital with us and see her Gramps. She was 3 and didn't really understand what was going on. We had to spend a lot of time away from her, which was hard on all of us. That said, having her there helped lighten up a very dark situation. When we came home from the hospital, it was really nice to be able to play with her and have a diversion for at least a few minutes. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law both drew a lot of comfort from having a crazy three-year-old make them smile. So anyway, I can definitely see why you wouldn't want to bring the kids, and I totally don't blame you. I also wanted to say - as far as Will not dressing himself - when Maura was 3 1/2 and in preschool, I was very surprised by the number of boys (also 3 or 3 1/2) in her class who needed help getting their shoes, snow clothes, jackets on. Almost none of them would do it themselves. Granted, there were some of the girls who also just sat passively while the teachers got them dressed, but a lot more of them got themselves dressed than the boys. I don't want to generalize, but I would say, based on that experience, it seems like it might not be that unusual what you're going through with Will. I think making him do it himself by not doing it for him sounds like a good way to go. Good luck!